First half of the week is in the books!

Wow… I haven’t posted an update in a while! I feel like I only really have a few things to mention from the past few days. Let’s see, I’ll start with Monday if I can remember that far back!

Breakfast was banana bread. 1I had a dentist appointment early Monday morning in Roxboro. It went well as always. Then I was off to work. It was a really good day at work. I mainly worked on getting product up online, but I also just had a nice time talking with my co-workers. They are such a fun group. For snack I had yogurt and a kind bar.2 My mom dropped off lunch for me. She got me a huge turkey sandwich from Whole Foods, along with fruits and veggies. 3

When I got home from work, the power was off so I had a yogurt and a WhatsoNutso bar for my snack before heading out to the barn to ride.4 Just before I was about to ride my parents showed up at the barn and said that they were going to go pick something up for dinner since the power was still out. There was a moment when some eating disordered thoughts crept into my mind. I was quickly going through all the options of takeout and labeling it as acceptable or not. I just couldn’t decided on anything that sounded good so I told my parents to just get something because they know what I like. I think Vinnie could pick up on my discontent a little because the beginning of the ride was a mess. He kept freaking out at one end of the arena and I probably was letting my anger control the situation instead of handling things in a calmer fashion. The ride got better though and we ended on a good note. Think I wore him out? Hahaha.5

When I got home later in the night the power was back on and I was surprised to find that my parents just picket up a rotisserie chicken, sweet potatoes and veggies. 6

So that was an interesting dilemma I found myself in. I guess eating out or getting take out unexpectedly is still a little bit of a sore spot for me to work on.

Tuesday

Tuesday morning I was up early to hit the gym with my boss! On the way in to Durham I had two slices of my banana bread.7 At the gym we did strength training, targeting our legs. Holy cow, at the time it didn’t seem like much but later in the day and all day today we sure were feeling it!

After our workout I came home since I had the day off and then I fixed my second breakfast. I made a spinach scramble using two of the farm fresh eggs from the barn 🙂 Yum! I also had some strawberries. 8

I read some of my book and then took a reallllyyy long nap haha. When I woke up I read some more and watched a little TV before fixing my lunch. I used leftovers to make a veggie, chicken and sweet potato hash that I had with blueberries, cashews and a greek yogurt.9 I relaxed until it was time for me to get ready to go have my appointment with Mary. I had a kind bar for my snack before going in to meet with her. 10

I had a really good session with Mary yesterday. I kept a food log over the past week and we looked at each day to see what percentages of my intake were coming from carbs, protein and fat. She told me that it seemed like I was falling a little short on my carbohydrates, especially since I am being so active. So we talked about things that might be holding me back a little bit when it comes to carbs and we made goals for myself. We also did a nutritional analysis on one of the days that most reflected my typical day to get a more in depth look at if I was getting the right percentages when it comes to all of my carbs, veggies, fruits, proteins, fats, vitamins and other nutrients. It was just an overall informational session! It was funny how last week we wanted to look at my protein numbers but it turned out to be my carbs that were falling short.

After my appointment I headed straight out to the barn so I could ride with Renee before it got dark. We went on a trail ride since she just wanted to do something light with G since she left today to go to a show! Jealous. Anyways, I was super impressed with Vinnie because I jumped right on him and went down the rode without warming him up in the arena or anything, and he was amazing! It was getting dark outside and he usually freaks out but he was so, so, so well behaved. I was thrilled 🙂 I helped Renee feed the horses and chatted for a bit before heading home.

For dinner my parents made roasted veggies and ravioli.11 Very tasty! I had a low key night and then had an apple and an almond butter sandwich before heading off to bed.

Today

This morning I was up early again to meet Bryan at the gym. He expressed his hatred of me since I made him so sore yesterday morning haha! On my way in I ate the remaining two slices of my banana bread. Today we ran on the treadmills for 30 minutes for our workout. I really had to push myself today, but it felt good when I was finished.12

At work all I did was put up product on the website. I got 20 women’s shirt completely finished. After adding all of the information on the website I had blueberries, greek yogurt and almonds for my snack.13 Then I went to take pictures of all the shirts in the video room. After I took all the pictures I had to edit them before I could add them to the website. I took a break to have my lunch. I had an apple and leftover veggies and ravioli. 14

When I got home from work I sat out on the porch swing for a bit and watched a storm roll in as I ate a kind bar for my snack. I was going to sit out there and read some but then it became extremely windy and it started to rain so I headed inside.15

Well, I think now you are officially up to date! I am taking care of the horses while Renee and Marty are at the show so I am off to feed them!

Hope you have been having a great week so far!

I’m sold

Good morning, all!

I had a fabulous Monday. I know what you are thinking: that sentence shouldn’t even exist. Everyone dreads Mondays, but when you get the day off incredible things can happen!

So after typing up my post yesterday I did the crossword puzzle before fixing myself banana bread and a green smoothie for breakfast. Oh how I missed my green smoothies!IMG_3066
I was bummed when I checked my email and saw that my advising appointment at UNC was canceled because the advisor was out with an illness. So I rescheduled and made an appointment for the first time available, which is next Monday. So because I didn’t have to go to Chapel Hill in the morning I took one of my books and hit the porch swing for a bit of time. It was so relaxing! I eventually headed inside to start getting ready to go into Durham. I stopped at the bank on my way to Whole Foods to grab lunch for my mom and I. We ended up eating our lunches on a shaded bench outside her school. It was beautiful out!1 2
I basically talked her ear off about new developments in my life, AKA boy drama hahaha. It’s not really drama though. Before leaving the shaded bench I prepped a little work for my appointment with Mary.
My time with Mary flew by! We talked a lot about general things and how my week went. I always like how Mary will use other real life examples to explain certain difficulties that others might face. It sometimes is like I am getting a mini lesson of something I might learn at UNC. So of course I love it! Then we dove into doing the Quick Quiz activity in The Tao of Eating book that she lent me. The quiz is designed to analyze how much you are still letting thoughts about food dictate your thoughts or actions. Going through the question I had to quickly right down a yes or no and then we added up the yeses to see where I scored. I originally scored rather high, meaning I was still very consumed by “diet” rules or thoughts, but then after discussing each one (because the majority of my answers were more of a “kind of” than a yes or no) we concluded that I am only moderately driven by some of those remaining thoughts. Then I told her exactly that, they are all thoughts and my actions don’t reflect them. As we discussed each question and my response I wrote down long term goals, so now I know of a bunch of things that I can still work on! It was a great session and we covered a lot of ground!
Once I got home I relaxed for a bit before fixing my snack of pretzels and guacamole. I hadn’t had guac in a while so I was super happy!IMG_3067
Then I got a text from Renee saying she would be home at 7 and she asked if I wanted to ride Ray. I jumped on the opportunity! So I got changed and headed out there. I groomed Vinnie and gave him an apple (he got the day off from work too haha) before Renee and I headed up to the arena with Ray! She rode him first so that she could give me a visual of all of the cues she uses with him. Then it was my turn to hop up in the saddle! I had a great time and I absolutely loved riding him! That was the verse time I think I have ever seriously ridden western. He really wasn’t a challenging horse to ride. Yes, it still required a lot of work, but it was so enjoyable! Renee was so happy that I rode him and that I thought he was a great horse. I made plans to ride him again this morning before I go to work, so after I fix my breakfast it is going to be a morning full of horses!
When I got home last night my parents had dinner ready. We had chicken sausage, peppers and onions, and then I heated up leftover rice. It was simple and delicious!IMG_3068
I relaxed the rest of the night and before bed I had a quick snack of an apple and trail mix.3

Well alrighty, I am off to have another fabulous day, starting with this yummy breakfast!IMG_3069 I hope you all have a day that is equally (if not more 😉 ) amazing!

Hitting Refresh

Today was a nice, low key day. It was a perfect way to hit the refresh button for my system. I had an easy going morning, which I started by working on the crossword puzzle before fixing my breakfast.Image

After breakfast I decided to do a few small chores so I did laundry, dishes and a quick clean up of the kitchen.

Then I got ready for my appointment with Mary! It was a great session. I told her all about the past couple of days and how I overcame the challenges I faced. I filled her in on the events of Thursday: my trip to UNC to meet up with a friend, dinner (burgers) with the guys and the bonfire. I told her about puppy sitting and the race I had on Saturday. It was nice to reflect on some of the events of the weekend because I also realized a few things that I didn’t notice before. For example, I noticed I have gotten better at eating at a normal pace, or even at a quicker pace if I am short on time. My exampled were Sunday morning when I had to quickly eat breakfast before going over to Evan’s to watch a movie before work, when I was at work and I had a large snack that I had to squeeze in during a short break and when I would eat lunch at work. I wasn’t upset that I couldn’t savor each bite and take my time because I was actually busy living my life! We then talked about a few things that still are a concern/worry. I admit that eating out is still a little difficult and then just being conscious about the amount of fat or protein in a meal. I’m not sure why protein is a little challenging but Mary reassured me that there is no reason for me to worry about getting too much. She gave me a few suggestions about possibly having vegetarian meals for breakfast and lunches when we are planning on having a large portion of meat for dinner. So we had a good conversation about that and then set up some good goals for me!

After my appointment with Mary I went to Whole Foods and picked up lunch for my mom and I. I built my mom a salad and then picked out a sandwich, veggies, fruit and a yogurt for myself. Image

After lunch I headed home and got ready for the barn. I managed to get a quick lunge in with Vinnie in between periods of light rain. I think he really enjoyed his grooming as well! I missed him this past weekend so I was glad that I spent some time with him today.ImageImage

After the barn I hit the couch and had some major relaxation time. For my snack I had a kashi bar and trail mix. Image

We just finished our dinner of leftover chicken, veggies and potatoes.Image It was yummy! Anndddd the Penguins won!!! Yippee! On to Round 2 of the playoffs!

I am going to have my snack and hit the bed early since I have to be at work at 8:30 in the morning! I hope you had a wonderful day!

Busy, Busy, Busy!

Good Morning!

I only have a few minutes to do a quick post before I have to head off to work!

Yesterday

My appointment with Mary was fantastic! We talked briefly about my new potential client and I am going to be so excited if I get to start cooking for her! I then told her my news (getting accepted to UNC) and she was so happy for me! I then told her about my last week, and I apologized that my detail food log was not so detailed haha. I have just been so busy that I haven’t been keeping up with it like I should have been, but then we discussed how great it was that I wasn’t being consumed by making everything perfect and having to know exactly what I was eating. Remember my bubble sheets? I would sit down and bubble in exactly what I was about to eat or had just eaten. And I let the bubbles kind of control what I ate. Now I have good mental judgement of what a good meal or snack should look like and I don’t need the bubbles. Plus, I am learning to listen to my hunger/fullness/satiety levels. There were a few suggestions Mary made to add a little something to a few of the meals I did record, but other than that she said I was doing great and it is a huge thing that I am not worried about recording everything I eat so I can know exactly what I fed my body. It feels so great to be at that point! Then Mary gave me a book to do some reading in. I accidentally left it in my car and I can’t remember the title off the top of my head, but I will share it will you soon!

A few pictures to sum of my meals/snacks during my long day at work.

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Today

This morning I was up very early. I think I am just beyond excited to be going to PA tomorrow! I drank my water as I worked on the crossword puzzle. Then I tried out a new workout app on my phone since I wanted to do a workout at home so I could take a relaxing shower and make a nice breakfast instead of going to the Y.

I only did one round of the ab exercises. I will have to work up to 3 haha!ImageImageImageWhew! Good arm workout for me. I have weak little arms haha.

Now I am enjoying a nice breakfast (there’s oatmeal and granola somewhere under those berries) before I go to work.Image I will be at work all day and into the night since there is a game. I am going to pack for the weekend when I get home and then I will head off to the airport for my flight at 6:00 am! So this might be my last post until I return on Sunday. If so I hope you have a wonderful Easter weekend!

Let Go and Life Happens

Today’s session with Mary was so great! I like how we talk about things that are completely unrelated to nutrition. I mean, the topics can always be applied someway to relate to a challenge that I have with food, but getting different perspectives on other aspects of life to try and achieve maximum happiness. We both get sidetracked easily during conversation, but that is what makes each session so much fun! We began by talking about her son’s jazz show he was doing tonight that she was attending. He plays the upright bass and had to compose music for everyone else playing tonight. That was interesting to talk about and I hope his show went well! Afterwards I began by talking about my past week. I told her that I pretty much worked all day every day but on Sunday I was able to go to the barn. She asked me what my plan was with Vinnie and I told her that I was thinking about the possibility of showing him again (since my mom and Renee discovered the secret to making horses calm at shows) but maybe just starting with open shows. It is just an idea at the moment. Mary then asked me to describe what showing was like. To me, showing is such a rush of so many emotions. There is excitement and adrenaline mixed with gut wrenching nerves. The feeling after you finish a class is worth all the sweat and tears you poured to get there. Putting yourself out there to be judged and coming out on the other side is such a big accomplishment and something to be proud of, whether or not you won first place or came in last. I always felt like I overcame my biggest fear when I was done with the class and it always made me want to turn right around and do it again. Overcoming fear is just exhilarating. We eventually started talking about the actual food part of my week, and I made a few goals:

  • Be more spontaneous at work: go out to lunch with people if they are going. Be aware of my inner response to the situation and how I feel from the moment it is presented through the time we are eating. Order something that sounds very good. Notice if I am scared of that food. All of these will help me to bond socially with people.
  • Time my meals better while I am at work. Food is not a reward – don’t delay lunch or snack until I am finished with a task. If I am hungry I need to take my break and eat. Even if I am worrying about my task while I am eating, it is still important not to put off nourishing my body, not all eating opportunities are going to be relaxing.

When we talked about social bonding Mary shared a story with me from her weekend at her beach art retreat. She was reading on a bridge because it was just the perfect spot. A woman walked by and said she was searching for a place to read. The woman eventually came back and said that the bridge was the perfect place to read. Mary told her she was about to go have dinner so she could take her spot on the bridge. Well, Mary said her and the woman ended up talking for a while. The woman just really needed to talk about a problem she was having. People aren’t meant to hold everything in and sometimes you just have to say words out loud to realize what needs to be done. Mary of course told the story with much more detail and eloquence, but that was the gist of it. I said it was wonderful how she acted as a human canvas for this woman. She just needed to express everything in her mind and she did so by using Mary as a vessel to hold on to everything that flowed out.

At the end of the session I told her how I was starting to get nervous about my school situation. I should hear back from UNC in about a week and I will hear from State mid-May. She gave me wonderful advice: breath. The right school will happen. I can’t control everything and I should just ket the universe take care of it. The universe will put me in the right place. What ever happens will be the best thing to occur and something wonderful will come from it. Let go and life happens. Sometimes if you try and control things too much, they end up going out of control or pushing away. That was wonderful advice and of course she had a terrific story to go along with the advice. Mary’s stories are the best! She is just amazing. She is like the super nutritionist!

After that appointment I headed home, making a quick stop to get a USB memory stick. I heated up leftovers for lunch and threw an apple in as a side.Image

I worked on transferring pictures to the memory stick before I headed to the barn to hangout with Vinnie! I had a great time grooming and then sitting on the fence watching him. Soooo relaxing 🙂 ImageImageImageImageImage

When I got back home I started cleaning and reorganizing my room. I had to scrape paint up off the floor before I vacuumed and rearranged. I took a break during my room project to have pretzels and greek yogurt.Image

My mom made dinner tonight: turkey burgers, roasted brussels and zucchini. I just had the brussels and then had an addition of a small sweet potato.Image

Now I am watching this intense Pirates game! Hope you had a good day!

Don’t Delay: Set Your Goals and Work for Them

Hi everyone!

This morning I tried to sleep in as much as I could before I got up to get my day started. I multi tasked and cooked my breakfast as I got ready for my appointment with Mary as well as work. I made basically an identical breakfast to yesterday’s. Image

I grabbed my things and then I was off to my meeting with Mary! Our time began with her telling me all about her time in New Orleans. It sounded like she had such an amazing time there! She gave me a Praline that she made at a culinary class she took and it was delicious. She then told me about the areas she toured and how she wore a costume on St. Patricks day. I think it sounded like a marvelous place and I definitely wouldn’t turn down the opportunity to travel there! When we started discussing how my week went I handed her the detailed food log I made that also kept track of my hunger and fullness levels as well as the times of my meals and snacks. We were really able to go into a lot of depth, mostly because of the notes I made for each day as well, describing times when I felt like I was listening to eating disorder type thoughts. We also talked about a big thing that I need to break. I have been waiting until sometimes 5:30 to have my snack. The was a rule that somehow was enforced that I couldn’t eat my snack before 5 even if I was hungry. So that is a big goal of mine to break that. We talked about several other things before I summarized how things have been going with Lori. Mary had some great input as well on the whole dating subject as well as hiding in an eating disorder to avoid the things we fear. Before I left we spent a few minutes discussing good ideas for a name for my personal chef business. She is full of such knowledge! Great session! Here are all of my goals for the week:

  • When eating out, don’t fear the amount of carbs, fat, protein in the food, but instead focus on my level of hunger. How hungry am I feeling? What do I feel like eating? How full do I want to feel after I eat? Approach those questions with honesty and curiosity.
  • Eat a meal at the Whole Foods HOT BAR, not the salad bar.
  • Let go of fear!!!!
  • Don’t delay my snacks: eat when I am hungry. NO MORE OF THE AFTER 5 RULE
  • Eat enough at each meal so I am not eating bigger snacks and skimping on the next meal as a result
  • Keep up with my detailed food log. Circle areas where I am feeling too hungry or too full and try and make sense of it

After my appointment was over with Mary I headed over to the Bulls for work. There wasn’t much actual work that we could do, but over the course of the work day we did two interviews, tagged a few boxes of shirts, moved a few boxes out of the way of accounting’s files, and worked on online orders. After the first interview we took a break to have our lunches. I packed a turkey sandwich, carrots and an apple. Image

It was a good day at work, but a stressful one because opening day is getting closer and closer and we are anticipating the move back into the stadium. Of course, everything is up in the air about the day we can start moving things so we are stressing about when the right time will be to pack everything up from the temporary location. It is just hectic.

When I got home I got changed into lazy clothes and then had my snack. I had pretzels, Greek yogurt and the rest of the Praline Mary gave me. Image

Now I am just relaxing on the couch, but I will probably go help my mom with dinner soon. I really need to get to bed at a decent hour tonight! Tomorrow morning my mom and I are getting up early to go to the Y before we both go to work! I am hoping tomorrow is warmer and sunny. This cold rainy business needs to be over! Hope you had a good day!

Skunks and Fingerprints

Weird combination, right? Don’t worry, I will explain shortly what those two have in common.

Last night before going to bed I made myself a different snack with the normal ingredients. I made an almond butter, nutella and banana quesdailla. I also had milk and trail mix.Image

This morning I woke up and wrote 15 pages in my Morning Pages journal. I had missed pretty much every day just because I have been busy from the get-go. After every three pages I would take a minute or two for a break before starting on the next three pages. I wrote down some of the random thoughts that I remembered having throughout the week. One day driving into Durham I saw several dead skunks on the road. I then thought that it is possible skunks don’t really exist because I have never seen one alive. They are just decoys for a poisonous odor being slowly released from a “carcass” that has been placed by an alien species. Yeah, I get a little creative with my random thoughts. Another random thought I had was at the Durham Bulls. I was taping a shipping label on a box and noticed my fingerprints stuck to the tape. I then made a general announcement that the recipient of that package could lift my prints off of it and then frame me for murder. That’s just how my mind works when it isn’t being occupied with thoughts about my body image, food, or my future.

For breakfast I made myself a bowl of oatmeal topped with berries, a veggie and pepper jack scramble and a chai latte.Image Then I got all my things organized for my appointments before I did dishes and then got ready to leave for Durham. Look at this beautiful vegan banana cream pie with a blueberry topping I made for my client! I sample it and mmmm, it was good. ImageI gave my client her meals for the week and then shortly discussed a few things before Mary and I got started on my session!

Session with Mary

I think my session today was a little over an hour and a half. Maybe it was even close to two hours? I don’t know, but we sure did cover a lot. After Mary had her samples of the food I made my client we began by looking over my “bubble” sheets (diet exchanges) and discussing what was going on that caused me to fall short on certain days. We were really digging deep. She was asking if there were certain things that occurred that made it hard to fill the bubbles. The days where I fell short were when I had to rush off to the office with my dad and I didn’t have time for breakfast before we left and when I met my friend for an early dinner. So she made a few suggestions of having an “emergency stash” at the office or car. We also discussed how I have been skimping in general on my morning bubbles and then having to make up for it in the evening. As a result my mornings are very light and my evenings are a little heavy, so I am going to work on balancing it back out. We also briefly talked about mindful eating and she gave me a book to read through and do a few exercises. She mentioned how a few of her clients have to grieve the end of their eating disorder so they can officially move on. It is hard to move on when it has convinced you that it is the most important thing to have in life. So Mary told me there were several ways to grieve: journal, burn old things, express myself through art, etc. Then she said it might not even be grieving, it could be a celebration. So that will be interesting to think about ways to move on for good. I also told her all about my experience at Church with the guys. Mary had many stories to tell me about believing in something greater and how some believe everything happens for a reason while other people might not. She just has so much insight, I feel like I could listen to her stories for ages. I also discussed the things my mom and I discussed last night and she had some good advice that I passed along to my mom and then good advice for me when it comes to feeling like I am weak and a failure for restoring my weight, even though I am exactly the opposite. It was a great session! I always look forward to my time spent there.

When I finished at Mary’s I went to Whole Foods and picked up lunch for my mom and I and brought it to my mom’s school. It was a really late lunch, but I still tried to cover all my bases. I had mixed fruit and veggies, a ham and cheese sandwich, vanilla greek yogurt and a WhatsoNutso bar.Image It was nice to spend a few minutes with my mom and see some of the people at her school 🙂

Appointment with Lori

I felt like I had so much stuff to squeeze in with Lori in such a short time. We jumped right in by going over a few topics in my morning pages. I talked all about my crazy skunk and fingerprint ideas and we connected it to my mind just having a little freedom from the thoughts connected to my eating disorder. I then told her all about my experience at church on Sunday. I told her how I felt like I could relate to certain things from the sermon, but it was weird because whenever someone referred to “Him” or said “He” all I could do was think of Eduardo. Lori told me that perhaps it was because I haven’t had much experience with religion and that my ED has been so controlling and it was all I could think of and believed in, that is the only thing I could relate “Him” to. So we talked about that for a while and then I told her about my plans to have the guys over on Thursday for dinner. There were a few random topics thrown in here and there, but I feel like those were the major topics that were covered. There was one thing she said that I really liked. She said that we actually learn a lot just from the questions we ask ourselves. So I think if I just keep asking myself questions I will stretch my mind some. Another good session in the books!

When I finished my appointment with Lori I headed to the Y for a yoga class. I snacked on a Kind bar before hand.Image It was a good yoga class, but it wasn’t my favorite. Maybe it was just because I was stuck in the back and it was a new instructor to me. I just wasn’t completely sold on her style and thought the class was a little on the slow/easy side. But that was probably exactly what I needed and I think I got some good stretching in. It was very relaxing as well, which I guess is the purpose?

I headed home after the yoga class and then finished the dishes. I relaxed for a few minutes and talked to my dad before getting started on cooking dinner. My mom went to the parent group and got home late, so it was a late dinner. I made spaghetti with peppers, onions and andouille sausage. It had some good flavor!Image

Now that I have filled you in on my day I am off to go relax and have my snack! Hope you had a good Tuesday 🙂