Novel Time

Good afternoon! I feel like I have so much to write about since my last post after yesterday’s breakfast. Brevity will be present so this post won’t feel like a novel!

Remember yesterday morning I mentioned how I was excited to go spend some time at the barn while the weather was still decent? That didn’t happen. I ended up taking my mom to Urgent Care because she really wasn’t feeling well. She had extreme dizziness so we decided it was better safe than sorry. She had been feeling dizzy for a few days but yesterday it was bad. I grabbed a spiced chai protein drink to have for my snack before I drove her to Roxboro. She was back there for a while, but her tests all came back relatively normal. We all, including her normal doctor, believe it to be a side effect of her dosage of prescribed medication. Booo, medication! I swear, medication can create more problems than you had to begin with! Not all the time, but that seems to be the case for my parents haha. My mom is doing much better today, so that is good.

When we got home from Urgent Care I fixed my lunch and ate it before I was off to my appointments! I fixed a pasta portion that I ate mixed with soup, a yogurt, trail mix and leftover buffalo turkey meatballs.ImageI will try and summarize my appointments as best as I can!

Appointment with Mary

My appointment with Mary was great, as usual 🙂 She is so optimistic and you just can’t help but be in a good mood when around her. We talked about my previous week and my hunger levels. After discussing the notes I wrote down reflecting on my emotions/hunger levels before and after eating as well as discussing a bunch of other random things, like my dad and how he has been doing, she helped me to come up with a list of goals for the week.

  • Letting go of control: Several times in my notes I wrote that I was comfortable with a meal because I cooked it. I need to work on being more comfortable if someone else makes dinner or if I don’t help. I feel like I have been practicing this – my mom has been cooking dinner for us some.
  • Let go of the uncertainty: I mentioned that I was more comfortable not knowing how to count food if it was in the evening. If I don’t know how to count my breakfast or lunch I tend to struggle the rest of the day. Mary told me that was a perfectionistic trait that I needed to let go of because it isn’t making my life easier.
  • Gradually relying less and less on my bubble sheet: this would be to practice fully listening to my body and it would further teach me that every day is not going to be the same.
  • Journaling and/or Morning Pages

Appointment with Lori

Another great appointment with Lori! We talked about my breathing exercises and about the places my mind wandered. She then told me about some other breathing exercises that I am to try. It was kind of an “information session” because a lot of it was spent on instructions for the breathing exercises. At the end we did spend a few minutes to discuss my thoughts on my future plans and she helped me to realistically prioritize them. Here are the breathing exercises if you care to give them a try as well:

  • Breathing exercise: focus on breathe. Notice thinking, label it as thinking and then refocus on breathe.
  • Thinking exercise: You can do the breathing exercise, but become curious about the type of thinking. “Advice giving” thoughts sway your thoughts or are past/future oriented. “Mushroom cloud” is when one thought leads to the next, which leads to the next and so on. It just keeps going and going. “Subtle thoughts” look neutral on the surface but a deeper exploration shows a different type of thought. “Neutral thoughts” are present moment thoughts often focused on the senses.
  • Feeling exercise: Focus is on just being. More feeling, less thinking. Pay attention to body sensations and the thoughts/emotions associated with those sensations.

I feel like I have lots to work on!

After my session with Lori I drove home. I ate my snack as I drove. I snapped a pic before my appointment with Lori because after the session it was dark out (and snowy). Image

When I got home I did some snuggling in bed with my mom until I got started on dinner. I made homemade ravioli using won ton wrappers! I followed the recipe that was on the inside of the label and it was delicious! It was easy to make but kind of time consuming because I was preparing it on my own. I ate mine with a few Triscuits. They were incredible and we all agreed that we would have them again. I had no idea egg roll and won ton wrappers were so versatile! Image

I relaxed the rest of the night before I fixed my snack and crashed. I had vanilla pudding with chocolate cereal and blueberries.Image

Today

This morning I woke up early (couldn’t sleep) and watched a little tv before I did my puzzles and got up to make my breakfast and check out the snow! I made a tri color pepper scramble, a chai latte and a bowl of my homemade granola with blueberries and banana slices. Mmmm!ImageImage After breakfast I decided it was time to take action! I wasn’t about to delay things any longer with UNC. I had no real plans for the day so I suggested going to the Y so I could get my run in and then going to Carolina to the Office of Undergraduate Admissions to ask a few questions. At the gym I got my 3 miles in, and guess what, I did it in under 30 minutes!Image If you are a super runner you can go ahead and laugh, but that is great for me haha. I was happy. Sweaty and tired, but happy 🙂 I got a quick shower and then we were off to Chapel Hill! I ate my snack on the way which was caramel crisps and trail mix.Image I was in and out of the office in no time. My questions were answered/clarified and I have things that I need to go ahead and get on! On the way home we stopped to get a few groceries at Trader Joe’s and then we stopped at Barnes and Nobel. My mom wanted to look for a certain book that they didn’t have but she ended up buying two books for her and I because we have an addiction. When we got home we made our lunches. I had tomato soup, grilled cheese, mini cheese cracker sandwiches, carrots, an apple and greek yogurt.Image

I was going to ride with Renee this afternoon, but it was way too cold! Muy frio. I feel bad for all my people up north. I know it’s much colder there! I think now I am going to go search for our heating pad…

In other news, I literally JUST got invited to go on a ski trip sometime in the next few weeks. That would be fun, right? The guys are planning it during the week so hopefully my schedule (and wallet) will let me go!

Ok, I’m outta here! Enjoy your evening!

Goals For the Week

Today was the usual Tuesday for me: appointments with Mary and Lori. Both sessions went really well I’d say. At Mary’s we discussed how the past week went and what I could have done differently. We talked about what recovery means and I wrote it all down so I could look back on it. It included things like freedom from controlling thoughts, energy, and ability to concentrate. There were a few others as well. Then we built a list of my goals for the week. These goals include eating enough carbs, eating larger meals, letting my parents serve my dinner portions, filling up all my bubbles, and eating at my goal times. I always enjoy my sessions with Mary. I always leave with the motivation to really push my comfort zone!

My appointment with Lori really focused on the family and how we have been functioning. We all talked a lot about our goals from the past week. I mentioned how I felt successful with my new way of organizing my bubbles but how I struggled with eating at decent times. My dad talked about how he tried to recognize when he was being “logic man” where he thinks everything is black or white. He is trying to be more understanding and we talked about how he is too scared to say something to me that he really wants to say because he is worried it will make me not want to eat and he doesn’t want to risk it. My mom talked about how she tried not to go into her “teacher tone” and we all actually talked about that a lot because my dad and I felt like she didn’t quite understand what we meant by that. She really only does it when we are in presence of someone who isn’t family or a close friend. And she said she does it out of fear and anxiety, so I asked her why she goes into teacher tone with us and Lori. I asked what about our meetings with Mary and Lori made her so nervous? She replied that she was scared she was going to say something that would upset me so she would hide behind the teacher tone. I assured her that there was no reason for her to be nervous, and that I don’t want her to give what I called “interview answers” instead of telling me what she is truly thinking or feeling. So I made that a goal for my parents this week. I told them I would like for them to tell me what they really want to say but are just too scared to. Hearing their true thoughts might be just what I need, and if it upsets me then they don’t have to keep doing it. But we will never know if it will work until we try! My goal from from Lori for the week is to be able to tell my parents what they can do and when to help me, or if they say or do something that really helps I am to remember it and let them know for the future. Short-term goals are always useful tools! Do you ever set goals for yourself for the upcoming week?

Last Night

Dinner last night was so good! I will happily share it with you: Cheesy Beef soft tacos. So, I got this recipe off of the back of the Campbell’s Condensed Cheddar Cheese can.

Ingredients:

– one pound ground been

– one can condensed cheddar cheese soup

– half a cup salsa (I eye balled it so it could have been more)

– flour tortillas

– shredded lettuce

Ingredients we added, for side or for taco topping: black beans, brown rice, hot sauce 🙂

Directions: brown beef, drain off fat, add can of cheese and salsa, stir occasionally until well heated. Boom, assemble time. So easy, right? And it was so good. My dad said he really didn’t think it was going to be good but he ended up loving it! ImageThen we watched some Monday night TV and then for snack I had homemade yogurt with half an almond butter sandwich. Yes, you read that right, I made homemade yogurt! It was really good, but I need to experiment with different ways to make it a little thicker. ImageI was shocked it actually turned out well!

Today

My breakfast, snack and lunch:ImageBreakfast was greek yogurt and a bagel with strawberry cream cheese. Snack was pretzels and trail mix. Lunch was ramen and a V8. I actually ended up eating lunch at home because we left the office a little after noon. At work I started reconciling checks for another company. My dad has rounds tomorrow so technically I don’t have to go to work, but if I were working for someone who wasn’t my dad I would still go in, so it is the right thing to go I suppose. After lunch at home my dad and I went to the Reuse Warehouse to take a look at the wood that we are going to use for our front porch. It looks killer! I can’t wait. I also browsed around at all the old doors and mantles because I have another idea up my sleeve. Then we were off to Mary and Lori. In between the two appointments I ate a blueberry Larabar. I need to try other flavors because I have heard of a few good ones, but I still have so many from the Costco pack of the blueberry muffin, cashew cookie, and peanut butter cookie. Plus I am trying to add more variety into my snacks and not always go for a bar. I have been doing well with that, but I am getting repetitive with the pretzels and trail mix. But I don’t mind because they are forever going to be yummy. After Lori my parents and I tried a new place for dinner since their parent group was canceled. Dain’s Place on Ninth Street! It was an awesome environment. Very chill. The menu was very simple, too. They had burgers, hot dogs, chicken sandwiches (basically all build-your-own) as well as a few other sandwiches like hot italian sausage, cheesesteak, grilled cheese, fried bologna, BLT and they had appetizers and a few soups and salads. For an appetizer we had pierogies. It was my first time ever having one! I know, how can I be in love with Pittsburgh and never have had a pierogie before? For dinner I just went with a hot dog with spicy mustard. It came with kettle cooked chips and I ate some of them. This was a huge hotdog! Everything there was huge actually! My dad got the cheese steak with tots and it looked like it could feed a small army. My mom got a burger with fries. We all agreed that we would absolutely go back again. I did my best not to allow Eduardo to whisper negative thoughts in my ear! ImageImageImageImage

Sports News: Penguins just won their third game! They beat the Hurricanes, so double hooray! Now I am going to go grab my snack before I catch some Z’s. Hope your Tuesday went well! It’s almost halfway to the weekend 🙂

Time To Make A Routine

So yesterday went really well with my appointments! At Mary’s we talked mostly about my bubbles. We decided to go back down to the bubble amount I was at before my last increase because it was really difficult to reach my goal this past week. Since I was successful with those bubbles we all felt fine with going back to the those amounts. We also worked on making a plan for goal times to eat. Lately I have been pushing everything back because my morning snack has been so late. Then I end up eating a really late lunch, then a late snack, a late dinner, and then I don’t eat my snack before bed until 11. Ultimately I want to start going to bed by 10:30 so I can get more sleep. I think sleep is just as important for me right now, and I have really been struggling to get enough. But we came up with a list of things to aim for for this upcoming week! Before going to my appointment with Lori we stopped at Whole Foods so I could grab something for snack and dinner. For snack I quickly had a pretzel and almond butter in the lobby. ImageWe had a very good session with Lori. It is amazing how easily we all open up. Our main focus in discussion seemed to be on where we all stood on the spectrum of needing parental guidance to being capable of independence. My dad talked more than I think I have ever heard him talk at one of these sessions. It is so informative and I always find out new things about myself or about my parents.

After Lori, I rushed over to work. It was the first game of the Governor’s Cup Championship. It was a small crowd and the store wasn’t busy at all. On break I ate my dinner that I grabbed from Whole Foods: turkey sandwich and yogurt. ImageThe Bulls ended up losing. They were so close to winning, too! Oh well. Well I got home I had a bowl of ice cream with a cookie. Sorry, no picture. Then I hit the sack!

This morning I woke up and had breakfast with my dad. Kind Of. He finished his Cheerios just as I was starting to eat. So I took my overnight oats with toppings (same as the day before) to the couch and watched some Netflix while my dad got ready to go to work. ImageI watched two episodes of Scandal on Netflix before I headed out to the barn. The horses all looked so happy being out on the luscious grass of the upper pasture. ImageVinnie was just as happy as all get out when he saw his apple! ImageHe almost pooped on my phone today… how gross would that have been! Haha. When I got home from the barn my dad was home from work. He just went for a little bit so he could get stuff to work from home. He helped me look at my snack options. Morning snacks are always difficult to decide on. I ended up just going with a glass of orange juice and a Larabar. Imagei did a little tidying up around the house today but I was lazy for the majority of it. Lunch was pasta, chicken, and spinach. I improvised and used a little bit of pizza sauce. It was good. Not the best, but it still had some nice flavor. The red pepper flakes and garlic powder helped it out some.Image I was able to talk to Madelyne for a few minutes today. I told her all about her job opportunities she would have down here since she is planning on moving when she graduates. It is always so nice to catch up with her! Then it was time for me to get ready for the last home game of the year. I looked at my bubbles and chose foods that I thought would cover a good bit of my bubbles. For snack I went with yogurt and trail mix. ImageFor dinner I packed a turkey sandwich with swiss, spinach and mustard on a super delicious torta from Costco. ImageSide of carrots for a veggie bubble. Work went really well. We remained busy almost the entire night which was surprising because the crowd wasn’t all that big. We sold A LOT. The Bulls also pulled out a win, so now they are tied with Pawtucket 1-1. Tonight was the last game in Durham until the start of the season in the spring. I will finally be able to work out a routine to help me reach my goals of eating at appropriate times. My parents and I also have the goal to be better at planning dinners. That is one thing we discussed with Lori – if I know what the plan is for dinner I have an easier time making decisions on my own when it comes to lunch or snacks. Routines are always comforting as well. I like breaking routine every know and then, but sometimes is less stressful when you just have that thing that you just do without over thinking. When I got home from work tonight I made an ice cream oatmeal raisin cookie sandwich. It was the last two cookies from the Costco variety pack my mom got. I am glad those cookies are gone because now I can make my own dessert and I can have something other than ice cream or a cookie. Not that they aren’t good, I just have been having them every single night for a while now haha. ImageI am about to turn in for the night! I have work tomorrow from 10-4. We are going to be packing up the store to transport everything to its temporary location while the stadium gets renovated during the off season. I am hoping I can sleep in a little so I can be well rested and prepared to tackle the task of moving everything!