Let Go and Life Happens

Today’s session with Mary was so great! I like how we talk about things that are completely unrelated to nutrition. I mean, the topics can always be applied someway to relate to a challenge that I have with food, but getting different perspectives on other aspects of life to try and achieve maximum happiness. We both get sidetracked easily during conversation, but that is what makes each session so much fun! We began by talking about her son’s jazz show he was doing tonight that she was attending. He plays the upright bass and had to compose music for everyone else playing tonight. That was interesting to talk about and I hope his show went well! Afterwards I began by talking about my past week. I told her that I pretty much worked all day every day but on Sunday I was able to go to the barn. She asked me what my plan was with Vinnie and I told her that I was thinking about the possibility of showing him again (since my mom and Renee discovered the secret to making horses calm at shows) but maybe just starting with open shows. It is just an idea at the moment. Mary then asked me to describe what showing was like. To me, showing is such a rush of so many emotions. There is excitement and adrenaline mixed with gut wrenching nerves. The feeling after you finish a class is worth all the sweat and tears you poured to get there. Putting yourself out there to be judged and coming out on the other side is such a big accomplishment and something to be proud of, whether or not you won first place or came in last. I always felt like I overcame my biggest fear when I was done with the class and it always made me want to turn right around and do it again. Overcoming fear is just exhilarating. We eventually started talking about the actual food part of my week, and I made a few goals:

  • Be more spontaneous at work: go out to lunch with people if they are going. Be aware of my inner response to the situation and how I feel from the moment it is presented through the time we are eating. Order something that sounds very good. Notice if I am scared of that food. All of these will help me to bond socially with people.
  • Time my meals better while I am at work. Food is not a reward – don’t delay lunch or snack until I am finished with a task. If I am hungry I need to take my break and eat. Even if I am worrying about my task while I am eating, it is still important not to put off nourishing my body, not all eating opportunities are going to be relaxing.

When we talked about social bonding Mary shared a story with me from her weekend at her beach art retreat. She was reading on a bridge because it was just the perfect spot. A woman walked by and said she was searching for a place to read. The woman eventually came back and said that the bridge was the perfect place to read. Mary told her she was about to go have dinner so she could take her spot on the bridge. Well, Mary said her and the woman ended up talking for a while. The woman just really needed to talk about a problem she was having. People aren’t meant to hold everything in and sometimes you just have to say words out loud to realize what needs to be done. Mary of course told the story with much more detail and eloquence, but that was the gist of it. I said it was wonderful how she acted as a human canvas for this woman. She just needed to express everything in her mind and she did so by using Mary as a vessel to hold on to everything that flowed out.

At the end of the session I told her how I was starting to get nervous about my school situation. I should hear back from UNC in about a week and I will hear from State mid-May. She gave me wonderful advice: breath. The right school will happen. I can’t control everything and I should just ket the universe take care of it. The universe will put me in the right place. What ever happens will beย the best thing to occur and something wonderful will come from it. Let go and life happens. Sometimes if you try and control things too much, they end up going out of control or pushing away. That was wonderful advice and of course she had a terrific story to go along with the advice. Mary’s stories are the best! She is just amazing. She is like the super nutritionist!

After that appointment I headed home, making a quick stop to get a USB memory stick. I heated up leftovers for lunch and threw an apple in as a side.Image

I worked on transferring pictures to the memory stick before I headed to the barn to hangout with Vinnie! I had a great time grooming and then sitting on the fence watching him. Soooo relaxing ๐Ÿ™‚ย ImageImageImageImageImage

When I got back home I started cleaning and reorganizing my room. I had to scrape paint up off the floor before I vacuumed and rearranged. I took a break during my room project to have pretzels and greek yogurt.Image

My mom made dinner tonight: turkey burgers, roasted brussels and zucchini. I just had the brussels and then had an addition of a small sweet potato.Image

Now I am watching this intense Pirates game! Hope you had a good day!

Jones’n for some Crums

Happy Thursday! It was a splendid day for this group. Well, at least is was for me and I hope it was for everyone else too haha!

I was up early this morning but didn’t want to wake the others so I decided to do the crossword puzzle and watch last week’s episode of the Vampire Diaries before I started quietly fixing my breakfast. Madelyne joined me in the kitchen shortly after I started making my oatmeal. I also made a chai latte and a spinach scramble.Image Yummy and filling! I made sure to record all of the details about my hunger and fullness levels so I could report back to Mary. After breakfast we all got our books and started reading. I began The Body Book by Cameron Diaz and let me just say, I love it already!Image Her perspective on health and eating is so inspiring. If you struggle with any type of eating disorder or disordered eating, I think this book could majorly influence your thoughts on life and food for the better. Next on our agenda was to go to the Y so we could do the PiYo class. Well, Madelyne and I did that. Matt did his own thing haha. I had fun at the class and I even worked up a nice sweat. The class was crowded! Once our workouts were done we were off to the showers and I got shampoo in my eye. It was awful and I was convinced I was going to go blind. I didn’t though.

For lunch we went to Whole Foods. I piled up fresh fruits and made a quinoa salad including steamed carrots and broccoli, grilled peppers, italian dressing and a hard boiled egg. I also had yogurt and a WhatsoNutso bar.ย Image

The rest of our afternoon was filled with grocery shopping and getting our nails done!ย Image

When we arrived back home I unloaded groceries and then got to work on dishes so my mom wouldn’t have to do them when she got home. For my snack I made a simple cheese quesadilla before I did more reading and conversing.Image It was really funny, we were all talking about Maddie and Matt moving to Wilmington or something and how Matt will have to find a job. He was saying how hard it is because there are very few jobs posted for his major. I then got a random idea that I blurted out. I told him he we could go into business together: He could handle the communications side (dealing with the website, advertising, etc.) and I could do the cooking and meal planning for all our clients. My mom then said that we would have to come up with a good name for the business. She said she thought of something with Crum in it but couldn’t remember is. Then I used both of our last names to come up with a funny name that I think is rather catchy! Jones’n for some Crums. I don’t know if it would really draw up a lot of business but I like it haha. I think it would be a fun business plan, but obviously it would be a last resort because we were talking about it in a joking manner. Plus Matt would probably want to try and find a job that had a description that matched closer to what he is studying haha. Well, we are about to have dinner. My mom has been reheating a variety of leftovers. Yay for fridge clean outs! Hope you had a fantastic day ๐Ÿ™‚

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

I am going to try out something new. I am going to share pictures of what I worked on with Mary and Lori. Most of the pictures are from my session with Lori. Mary and I usually do more talking and story telling to get our messages across, but I do write down my goals and quotes throughout the session. So I will let the pictures do most of the talking, mostly because I am feeling tired from my very late night last night and early morning. And Madelyne and Matt are here and I want to enjoy their company!!!

Session with Mary


We talked all about my past week and how things went for me with the power outage and listening to my hunger/fullness levels. There were many other things that we talked about as well, such as a few things that people mindlessly said and that I felt bothered me. Then we also brainstormed ideas about expanding my personal chef job! It was a wonderful meeting ๐Ÿ™‚

Session with Lori


1. I talked as Lori wrote down the things that I felt that restriction gave me and then what healthy eating gave me. 2. Thoughts on the right are ED thoughts and the thoughts on the left are my values that keep me on track. 3. The green writing is a list of all my body concerns and thoughts about my body image, as well as advice to eat less or exercise more. The words in the box are what I feel like I would gain if I listened to that advice. 4. This is a list of things that I can think about to make myself happy and get all of those things from the previous box without listening to the advice. 5. Random quote Lori and I talked about. 6. Goals/ Homework for the week: make a list of each of the topics in black writing. I am feeling good about these assignments!


My mom made a delicious dinner of mashed potatoes, roasted veggies and pork tenderloin while Madelyne, Matt, my dad and I worked on sorting one of his client’s receipts!ImageImage Now I am ready to relax and get some rest!


Today has been a very good day. I feel like it was a relaxing without being lazy. Know what I mean?

This morning I woke up at a ridiculous hour so I watched Netflix until I decided to make myself breakfast. I fixed a big bowl of oatmeal topped with cashews, a green smoothie and a chai latte.Image After I finished breakfast and my puzzles my mom and I went to Whole Foods and to Harris Teeter to do our grocery shopping. We planned our menu based on the weekly specials at Harris Teeter and we ended up saving 85 dollars! I couldn’t believe it and I don’t know why we didn’t start looking at specials sooner.

Anyways, on the drive to and from I read a book that Mary lent me. It focuses on mindful eating and the introduction compares its similarity to Buddhism. It also describes the different types of mindless eating. I was a little shocked because I have always thought mindless eating meant over eating and eating out of boredom, but it can also mean that you are starving yourself because you aren’t being mindful about what your body needs. There are four main foundations: mindfulness of the mind, mindfulness of body, mindfulness of thoughts and mindfulness of feelings. Using those techniques has been used to as part of treatment for many illnesses including cancer, depression, sleep problems, etc. So starting this reading was very interesting. I found myself really wanting to become mindful of everything connected to my mind and body. It was a little hard for me to differentiate between mindfulness of mind and mindfulness of thought. They both seemed like the exact same thing. I saw small differences, but I don’t know if I will be able to classify certain states or thoughts as the right thing. But maybe separating the two isn’t the importance part, I think as long as I am becoming mindful of what is occurring inside of me I am doing the exercise correctly. I am sure that as I continue reading those things will become a little clearer to me.

When I got home I helped unpack all of the groceries and then I got started on my making my lunch. I fixed quinoa mixed with veggies and andouille sausage. I also had an apple and yogurt.ย Image

After lunch I went to the barn to get another ride in before winter weather strikes again. Vinnie was hot headed when I was lunging him. Maybe it was because it was windy? He was having some major separation anxiety because he was whinnying over and over and he would race around and jump straight up in the air, throwing bucks into the mix. To me is was quite funny. He was acting like he was at a show! Then when I got on him he was perfectly fine. I tried to make his mind work a little. I mixed in some figurines and then tried to switch is up between the gaits in an unpredictable way. I was so pleased with him ๐Ÿ™‚ Right when I finished untacking Vinnie, Barb and Elizabeth showed up to visit Kasino. I haven’t seem them in ages so it was nice to talk and catch up for a while! Overall it was a great day at the barn!Image

For my snack I had my last piece of banana bread with cinnamon cream cheese spread on top.Image Then I got to work on making a dessert creation… I will let you know tomorrow how it turns out!

I got a few random things done before dinner. My mom made turkey chili and I had it over pasta with a sprinkle of cheese and plain greek yogurt. It was warm and tasty!ย Image

Now I am slowly winding down from the day. It feels good to sprawl out on the couch! So this weekend I feel like I accomplished a great deal. I also heard from two friends that I haven’t heard from in a while. Liz is going to be driving through the area on Saturday so we are planning to meet somewhere for lunch. I am so excited to see her! I have no idea where I am gong to suggest we meet. I was a local place but I want it to be a convenient location as well. I will have some thinking to do… Then I heard from an ex who has been a really good friend to me. I haven’t talked to him in a really long time so it was nice to exchange texts. He and I have always easily talked to each other about everything and anything so even though it had been months and months, we were able to talk like we never fell out of contact. Maybe we will keep in touch on a regular basis or maybe it will be another couple of months before I hear from him again, but it was a welcome surprise. Hearing from old friends always feels good, doesn’t it?

Tomorrow I am working at the Bulls so it will be a busy day! I hope you had a fantastic weekend!

Florence Forth Recap and a Gorgeous Day at the Barn!

This morning I was up and moving by 6:30! I threw on some warm layers for the race and then prepared my breakfast. I went with a carb-heavy power breakfast: Two slices of banana bread topped with cinnamon cream cheese.Image We left the house around 7:15 and I ate my delicious breakfast on the way. We found parking easily since they had signs everywhere that made it a breeze. I made my way over to the starting line and my mom helped me find a few runners from her school for me to hang with.Image Right at 8 we were on our way! Around mile 1.5 I lost the others behind me so I just ran the remainder on my own. Well, technically I guess I wasn’t alone since there were so many others who were running! I’d like to think that the spirit of Florence was keeping us all company as we pushed ourselves through the course as well. So my first solo race wasn’t a solo race at all. I finished in 1:06:11 and I was thrilled because my goal was to finish in under an hour and ten minutes for my first 10k! The course seemed like it was ALL uphill haha! I had a lot of fun thought and got to meet a bunch of incredible people and I got to see a lot of others from my mom’s school.ImageImageImage Amber and baby Asher even made an appearance! Florence Forth raised over $40,000 to advance the mission of the Autoimmune Encephalitis Alliance. Isn’t that incredible?!

When we made it home I fixed a snack of apple slices, almonds and a chai latte. Yumm ๐Ÿ™‚Image I played my daily puzzles and then helped my mom pick up the house a little before I jumped in the shower. I was thinking about running a few errands and maybe going to the outlets with my mom, but instead I decided I would go to the barn since it turned into a beautiful sunny day! I first fixed my lunch. I had mexican chicken soup, carrots and a greek yogurt with blueberries. Then I was off to the barn!ย Image

It was a wonderful day at the barn. I managed to convince my mom to go out there with me and I am so glad she did! We saw everyone out there and we got to chit chat with them all. Then I got to work on grooming Vinnie. I then tacked him up and did a light lunge before I jumped in the saddle! I had a great ride! He was such a good boy. A little speedy at the canter, but I can’t ask him to be perfect since my riding schedule is inconsistent. I just had so much fun ๐Ÿ™‚ Imageย When I finished up with Vinnie, Renee asked me if I wanted to ride G and I said absolutely! I love G, he is giant compared to Vinnie and covers so much more ground. I am sure the workout I gave him was a little more relaxed than his normal ones, but I still had a blast! We spent 4+ hours out there and I can’t wait to go back tomorrow.

When I got home I had a crackers, cheese and the bottom of the trail mix bag for my snack.Image Then I relaxed for the rest of the evening up until it was dinner time. My mom made pork chops, brussels, cauliflower and baked potatoes.Image I have to tell you, I really prefer sweet potatoes. Russet potatoes are so much drier, even with sour cream. I guess it was a nice change up though. I think after my non-stop day of running and riding I am going to sleep really well tonight! I am going to go watch this Penguins game now! Goodnight!

Cooking Up a Storm

I have done so much today… I don’t know how I fit it all in. I had fun doing it though! I feel like I still have a lot to do so I am going to just going to take you guys through a quick summary of the last 24 hours.

E’s and A’s


Last night I made apple egg rolls. Three simple ingredients, egg roll wrappers, apple, cinnamon. I had raspberry greek yogurt with it and sprinkled the left over apple stuffing over my creation.Image

For breakfast this morning I made a tea latte and a bowl of granola topped with banana, blueberries and walnuts.Image

For lunch I made another egg roll creation (I am trying to use them up!) that I had with carrots, clementines, crackers, trail mix and greek yogurt. I put turkey, mozzarella and strawberry jam on the inside of my egg rolls and it was fantabulous.ย Image

My snack was a sunflower butter sandwich.Image

For dinner my mom and I helped each other to make a recipe from the sugar free and gluten free cookbook that Mary let me borrow. We made a few adaptions (spaghetti instead of linguini and chicken instead of shrimp) to the spicy tomato linguini recipe. It was so delicious! My mouth was on fire though! I love spice.ย Image


After breakfast this morning I got ready to go to church with Josh and Justin. I hadn’t been in probably a little over a year and before that it had been even longer. I feel uneducated when it comes to religion, and perhaps that is why I don’t go to church. I don’t like feeling “lost” when people are talking. It was Justin’s church that we went to and it was actually a pretty good service. I have awful memory so I have already forgotten much of the sermon, but I do know that I left feeling like I gained something from the experience. I think I would go back again. It could be a good way to help me find my identity.

When I got home from going to church with the guys I made my lunch and then got started on some extreme cooking! I made all of the main dishes for my client for the week. I literally worked in the kitchen the entire afternoon. Well, from 2:15 to 5:15. Check out what I made:

Curry chicken and veggie stew over riceImage

Turkey and feta meatballs with rosemary potato wedges and green beans mixed with red bell peppersImage

Chicken “pesto alfredo” pasta with spinach and red bell peppersImage

I sampled everything (sampling the food I made my client was one of my goals from my session with Mary) and it tasted so good! There were a few additions I would make to a few things if it were for me, but since my client has an array of foods that are on her no list I had to do without adding certain spices and veggies. It all was still very good! My mom seasoned the chicken for dinner using the same seasonings I used for the meatballs. She sampled the meatballs as well and instantly fell in love with them haha.

Once I finished my snack I logged the recipes I made for my client and calculated the nutrition before I set out for my run! I started running at sunset and it was absolutely gorgeous.Image It was the perfect temperature outside. The sunflower butter sandwich must have been the perfect fuel for me because I put in 5 miles and I felt like I could have kept going! Or maybe running in the dark just boosted my adrenaline. It was a little slow, but hey, there are a lot of hills in my neighborhood.ย ImageImageImage

Now I am just relaxing. I am trying to decide if I want to bake another recipe tonight or if I want to wait till tomorrow. Decisions, decisions…

I hope you had a great weekend! Have a good week ๐Ÿ™‚

Local 22

Happy Saturday, friends! How was your day? Did you relax or were you taking this day to get a jump start on your to-do list? Mine was a mixture of the two, resulting in a wonderfully fulfilling day.

This morning I woke up and took a few minutes to figure out a game plan before I fixed my breakfast. I made a vanilla cinnamon tea latte and then topped a bowl of granola with berries and pistachios. Soaked down in yummy almond milk. It was a cool and refreshing breakfast!Image

Once I finished eating I made my grocery list for my client and then headed off to Harris Teeter to do the shopping. When I returned home I was more than ready to get started on one of the recipes. I decided to make Asian Turkey Stuffed Acorn Squash. It was made with ground turkey and a plethora of veggies (red bell pepper, water chestnuts, baby bok choy, carrots, green onion, cilantro, ginger). I sampled it and oh my goodness was it good. I love water chestnuts ๐Ÿ™‚ย Image

For lunch I made myself a chicken-less chicken (from Trader Joe’s) quesadilla with peppers and onions. I also had a banana, crackers and milk.Image It was pretty good. Then again, I think you can make anything taste good if you make it into some type of mexican dish.

After lunch I got started on another dish for my client and then went to the barn! I spent a good hour and a half soaking in the warm weather at the barn. The arena was still pretty much flooded so I lunged Vinnie in the round pen. I saw Lena, Renee and Marty so I spent a few minutes talking to each of them. It was just a terrific day at the barn ๐Ÿ™‚ I feel like I could quote my mom: “it made my heart smile.” (my mom says weird stuff like that… sometimes it is appropriate though)Image

As soon as I got home I jumped in the shower and got ready to meet Margaret for an early dinner. I was so excited to catch up with her. It has been a while since we got together so it was nice to talk about where we are at in our recoveries. It is nice to talk to someone who really understands everything that I am thinking and feeling. I could go on and on about what we talked about, but there is one thing that Iย absolutely want to share. I was dropping Margaret off at the Duke game and we were talking about what it was like to look “normal” but still be affected by this disease. I told her how a small part of me still wanted to be “special” and how having an eating disorder made me feel like that. It is like Eduardo is still trying to convince me that I need this eating disorder to be my identity. She went on to ask me “what if you found another identity?” She said she wanted her identity to be a doctor and she wanted that more than anything. She said I had already moved forward with creating my real identity with my little personal chef job. I am helping a person who struggles with their nutrition by cooking what they need. She was so right. I don’t need anorexia to be my identity. I have an identity that is ALL mine that I must let shine. If you are struggle with your identity, know that you have a unique one as well, now let people seeย that.ย Ok, so I think rambled on a little. For dinner we met at Local 22, a new restaurant right by Duke. Ohmygosh, it was so, so, so good! I ordered the Carolina Panino with a small salad.Image It was prosciutto, mozzarella, tomato and basil pesto. It was a HUGE sandwich, too. I only ate half of it. It was a really good challenge for me. I haven’t challenged myself that often lately, so this was a little nudge out of my comfort zone. I was so glad we were able to have dinner!

Now we are watching the Duke vs Syracuse game. It is a nail biter.

Running update: One week till the Florence Forth 10k! I am nervous and doubting my abilities, but I know when the time comes I will be fine.

Well I am off to relax! Tomorrow I have an early wake up call to go to church with the guys. Enjoy the rest of your weekend!