Yesterday was an interesting day for me… I had good sessions with Mary and Lori but for some reason I was still in “blah” mode. I think I was just being really hard on myself and letting those negative self image issues control my happiness. So let me share my goals from each of my appointments.
Goals made with Mary
- Add variety to my snacks (stray from my “safe” trail mix and nut butter sandwiches
- Work on Mindful Eating: break the need to play sudoku or have another distraction while eating
- Challenge myself to make my days different. Some days I can have more fats and proteins and less carbs, or the other way around
- Make detailed notes on my hunger/fullness levels and take note of where I made changes to my amount of exchanges for fat, protein, carbs. Adjust my portions accordingly to my hunger/fullness levels
- Read more from Mindfully Eating
Goals made with Lori
Some of these goals feel super random, but she is helping me to figure out what I want for myself in life
- Create space for feeling my emotions. I might start doing Evening Pages where I focus on my emotions instead of just writing about random things like I do in my Morning Pages
- Do my “feeling” meditations where I focus on sensations I am feeling
- Make a “Personal ad” as if I were making a dating page so I can realize what I would have to offer in a relationship.
- Make a note of what my ideal dating situation would look like
Before going to sleep last night my dad confronted me and asked why I was in a bad mood. I told him that there was no reason, I was just feeling very… blah. He asked me why I was feeling that way and I kept saying over and over that I didn’t know why. Then after more questioning I had a huge breakdown. I must have been holding it in for a while because there were so many waterworks. I told him that I was just really unhappy with myself. I feel like I should just be ashamed of the weight I have restored. I don’t know why I can’t just be happy and ways to improve myself are constantly crossing my mind. My dad talked to me for a while about how I have no reason to be unhappy, I look great and healthy. It was just a really difficult conversation for me because I really don’t like talking about those feelings. My dad really emphasized the importance of me sharing those feelings with him and my mom whenever I am experiencing them. So I am going to try my best to communicate what is going on inside.
This morning I woke up earlier than I would have liked, but I did some relaxing before I fixed my breakfast and quickly got ready for work. I made myself a green pepper and spinach scramble, oatmeal with berries, chia seeds and walnuts and a chai latte. For lunch I packed soup, carrots, an apple and a yogurt. For my snack I brought a Kind bar. Today I worked I helped tag an insane amount of novelty items for the store. That was pretty much all I did today haha. When I came home I went right to the couch to relax. I think I was just really tired. I think I actually woke up tired.
For dinner we just fixed our go-to cuisine: Mexican. We already had all the ingredients! I made chicken and cheese chimis and a mexican salad. Plus a glass of milk because that salsa was muy caliente!
I wanted to prime my bedroom, but relaxing sounded better to me this evening. Tomorrow morning I am getting up early to go to the Y with my mom and then I am meeting Margaret for a coffee/chai before I go into work. So since my morning is going to be busy I think I am going to go make ahead my breakfast and lunch for tomorrow and then get a snack in before I call it a night. Hope you had a good day!