Facing My Emotions

Yesterday was an interesting day for me… I had good sessions with Mary and Lori but for some reason I was still in “blah” mode. I think I was just being really hard on myself and letting those negative self image issues control my happiness. So let me share my goals from each of my appointments.

Goals made with Mary

  • Add variety to my snacks (stray from my “safe” trail mix and nut butter sandwiches
  • Work on Mindful Eating: break the need to play sudoku or have another distraction while eating
  • Challenge myself to make my days different. Some days I can have more fats and proteins and less carbs, or the other way around
  • Make detailed notes on my hunger/fullness levels and take note of where I made changes to my amount of exchanges for fat, protein, carbs. Adjust my portions accordingly to my hunger/fullness levels
  • Read more from Mindfully Eating

Goals made with Lori

Some of these goals feel super random, but she is helping me to figure out what I want for myself in life

  • Create space for feeling my emotions. I might start doing Evening Pages where I focus on my emotions instead of just writing about random things like I do in my Morning Pages
  • Do my “feeling” meditations where I focus on sensations I am feeling
  • Make a “Personal ad” as if I were making a dating page so I can realize what I would have to offer in a relationship.
  • Make a note of what my ideal dating situation would look like

Last night

Before going to sleep last night my dad confronted me and asked why I was in a bad mood. I told him that there was no reason, I was just feeling very… blah. He asked me why I was feeling that way and I kept saying over and over that I didn’t know why. Then after more questioning I had a huge breakdown. I must have been holding it in for a while because there were so many waterworks. I told him that I was just really unhappy with myself. I feel like I should just be ashamed of the weight I have restored. I don’t know why I can’t just be happy and ways to improve myself are constantly crossing my mind. My dad talked to me for a while about how I have no reason to be unhappy, I look great and healthy. It was just a really difficult conversation for me because I really don’t like talking about those feelings. My dad really emphasized the importance of me sharing those feelings with him and my mom whenever I am experiencing them. So I am going to try my best to communicate what is going on inside.

Today

This morning I woke up earlier than I would have liked, but I did some relaxing before I fixed my breakfast and quickly got ready for work. I made myself a green pepper and spinach scramble, oatmeal with berries, chia seeds and walnuts and a chai latte.Image For lunch I packed soup, carrots, an apple and a yogurt. For my snack I brought a Kind bar.Image Today I worked I helped tag an insane amount of novelty items for the store. That was pretty much all I did today haha. When I came home I went right to the couch to relax. I think I was just really tired. I think I actually woke up tired.

For dinner we just fixed our go-to cuisine: Mexican. We already had all the ingredients! I made chicken and cheese chimis and a mexican salad. Plus a glass of milk because that salsa was muy caliente! Image

I wanted to prime my bedroom, but relaxing sounded better to me this evening. Tomorrow morning I am getting up early to go to the Y with my mom and then I am meeting Margaret for a coffee/chai before I go into work. So since my morning is going to be busy I think I am going to go make ahead my breakfast and lunch for tomorrow and then get a snack in before I call it a night. Hope you had a good day!

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10 thoughts on “Facing My Emotions

  1. I suggest you journal but solely focus on your emotions and how you are feeling when you are feeling them. The blog is great for information..telling us about your menus, your day, your activities etc. but I don’t know if its the “sacred” space that is often needed to get into the arena of emotions. Another plus with journaling is that you can always go back and refer to what you wrote when are in discussion with your mom, dad, counselor, etc. You knew “why” you were in a bad mood all along, you just didn’t want to share the reasons with your dad..but once you did and realized that he was a safe place for you to do so…YOU TOOK AN IMPORTANT STEP TOWARD HEALING! Keep up being you..you are doing great!

    • Thanks Uncle Bill! You are right, journaling would be that activity where I could really dig deep into my emotions and write about what I might be too scared to share on the blog. Thanks for all of your support!

  2. First of all, I know all too well that ‘blah’ mode. It’s a crummy place to be, and even more so when you stay there for a longer period of time. I think all your goals sound great. I think you have a wonderful plan to move forward and I’m excited to see what goals you have set. I can totally relate to you, it’s a hard thing to put into words sometimes when someone asks you ‘what’s wrong?’ I, too, struggle with being more open about how I feel, but it definitely has improved a lot and it really does help to vocalize feelings versus internalizing them.

    • Oh thank you so much! Expressing emotions isn’t enjoyable at all so I really try to avoid it. Do you have any special techniques, exercises, or goals you make to help you open up?

      • I tried to vocalize how i felt in the moment. When i was in a treatment group we had to process our feelings in the moment which often happened after meal time. It taught me that i could share how i felt in a safe place. I know it can be hard to open up so maybe start small. Pick something that you would normally keep to yourself and share it with someone you trust. If it helps, just tell them you want them to listen

      • Perfect! I think that’s a great way to start opening up more. I know it helped me a lot when I started sharing things with my parents. I would email them, instead of talk face to face at first and it really opened up our communication a lot!

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