Weird combination, right? Don’t worry, I will explain shortly what those two have in common.
This morning I woke up and wrote 15 pages in my Morning Pages journal. I had missed pretty much every day just because I have been busy from the get-go. After every three pages I would take a minute or two for a break before starting on the next three pages. I wrote down some of the random thoughts that I remembered having throughout the week. One day driving into Durham I saw several dead skunks on the road. I then thought that it is possible skunks don’t really exist because I have never seen one alive. They are just decoys for a poisonous odor being slowly released from a “carcass” that has been placed by an alien species. Yeah, I get a little creative with my random thoughts. Another random thought I had was at the Durham Bulls. I was taping a shipping label on a box and noticed my fingerprints stuck to the tape. I then made a general announcement that the recipient of that package could lift my prints off of it and then frame me for murder. That’s just how my mind works when it isn’t being occupied with thoughts about my body image, food, or my future.
For breakfast I made myself a bowl of oatmeal topped with berries, a veggie and pepper jack scramble and a chai latte. Then I got all my things organized for my appointments before I did dishes and then got ready to leave for Durham. Look at this beautiful vegan banana cream pie with a blueberry topping I made for my client! I sample it and mmmm, it was good. I gave my client her meals for the week and then shortly discussed a few things before Mary and I got started on my session!
Session with Mary
I think my session today was a little over an hour and a half. Maybe it was even close to two hours? I don’t know, but we sure did cover a lot. After Mary had her samples of the food I made my client we began by looking over my “bubble” sheets (diet exchanges) and discussing what was going on that caused me to fall short on certain days. We were really digging deep. She was asking if there were certain things that occurred that made it hard to fill the bubbles. The days where I fell short were when I had to rush off to the office with my dad and I didn’t have time for breakfast before we left and when I met my friend for an early dinner. So she made a few suggestions of having an “emergency stash” at the office or car. We also discussed how I have been skimping in general on my morning bubbles and then having to make up for it in the evening. As a result my mornings are very light and my evenings are a little heavy, so I am going to work on balancing it back out. We also briefly talked about mindful eating and she gave me a book to read through and do a few exercises. She mentioned how a few of her clients have to grieve the end of their eating disorder so they can officially move on. It is hard to move on when it has convinced you that it is the most important thing to have in life. So Mary told me there were several ways to grieve: journal, burn old things, express myself through art, etc. Then she said it might not even be grieving, it could be a celebration. So that will be interesting to think about ways to move on for good. I also told her all about my experience at Church with the guys. Mary had many stories to tell me about believing in something greater and how some believe everything happens for a reason while other people might not. She just has so much insight, I feel like I could listen to her stories for ages. I also discussed the things my mom and I discussed last night and she had some good advice that I passed along to my mom and then good advice for me when it comes to feeling like I am weak and a failure for restoring my weight, even though I am exactly the opposite. It was a great session! I always look forward to my time spent there.
When I finished at Mary’s I went to Whole Foods and picked up lunch for my mom and I and brought it to my mom’s school. It was a really late lunch, but I still tried to cover all my bases. I had mixed fruit and veggies, a ham and cheese sandwich, vanilla greek yogurt and a WhatsoNutso bar. It was nice to spend a few minutes with my mom and see some of the people at her school 🙂
Appointment with Lori
I felt like I had so much stuff to squeeze in with Lori in such a short time. We jumped right in by going over a few topics in my morning pages. I talked all about my crazy skunk and fingerprint ideas and we connected it to my mind just having a little freedom from the thoughts connected to my eating disorder. I then told her all about my experience at church on Sunday. I told her how I felt like I could relate to certain things from the sermon, but it was weird because whenever someone referred to “Him” or said “He” all I could do was think of Eduardo. Lori told me that perhaps it was because I haven’t had much experience with religion and that my ED has been so controlling and it was all I could think of and believed in, that is the only thing I could relate “Him” to. So we talked about that for a while and then I told her about my plans to have the guys over on Thursday for dinner. There were a few random topics thrown in here and there, but I feel like those were the major topics that were covered. There was one thing she said that I really liked. She said that we actually learn a lot just from the questions we ask ourselves. So I think if I just keep asking myself questions I will stretch my mind some. Another good session in the books!
When I finished my appointment with Lori I headed to the Y for a yoga class. I snacked on a Kind bar before hand. It was a good yoga class, but it wasn’t my favorite. Maybe it was just because I was stuck in the back and it was a new instructor to me. I just wasn’t completely sold on her style and thought the class was a little on the slow/easy side. But that was probably exactly what I needed and I think I got some good stretching in. It was very relaxing as well, which I guess is the purpose?
I headed home after the yoga class and then finished the dishes. I relaxed for a few minutes and talked to my dad before getting started on cooking dinner. My mom went to the parent group and got home late, so it was a late dinner. I made spaghetti with peppers, onions and andouille sausage. It had some good flavor!
Now that I have filled you in on my day I am off to go relax and have my snack! Hope you had a good Tuesday 🙂