Within minutes of arriving at the office I was hard at work. I had a huge stack of tax returns to assemble. It was a methodical process of copying, stapling and organizing. The copier and I were close to becoming best friends. Then I called the clients to inform them they could pick up their returns. I got a lot done and I was so happy I could help out! During my lunch break I put together a small plate of cheese nachos and I heated up vegetable soup. I also had a glass of milk.
We finally left at 6:10 and we stopped at food lion on the way home to get things for dinner and a few other things we were out of. Once we made it home I made my client another fruit and nut bar recipe. Look for the results tomorrow!
For dinner I made my parents and I pizza rolls. They were sooo yummy! I was another one man assembly line, using egg roll wrappers, pepperoni and mozzarella cheese sticks. Served with salad and it was a little taste of americanized Italy.
So I am sure you noticed that today I didn’t put forth my best efforts with filling out my bubbles. I was just feeling gross about myself (even though I was told by a few people today that I looked good?) and the urge to restrict was stronger than it has been in a long time. I think I was hiding behind the excuse that we were out of a lot of food this morning and the food selection in the kitchen at my dad’s office wasn’t as big as I expected. There was other food there that I could have eaten for morning snack or added more with my lunch or with the almonds I had. I am still trying to figure out what causes these urges to restrict. Perhaps it was the fact that I wore a pair of khakis that I had two years ago (and they fit) because a pair of jeans I recently got were too small for me to wear today. I am still so scared that I am going to keep gaining weight. There’s a whole mumble jumble of thoughts whirling around in my head and I am trying to think of all the coping techniques I have learned from Mary and Lori. It is easy to tell yourself to take a step back, but I feel like whenever I step back, Eduardo takes a step forward. So when taking a step back doesn’t work I move to another technique. I like reminding myself of my values: health, energy, relationships. I have been comparing myself more and more to other women so I think I need to go back to working on self acceptance.
Tomorrow is another full day for me, so I am going to go have my snack, get a good night of sleep and wake up tomorrow with a healthy mindset and dare to be great attitude!