Slow Life

Hope you have been having a great Tuesday! Today has been another nonstop day for me. I woke up early in a panic because I completely forgot I had to go get a drug screening for my re-employment at the Bulls. They told me on Saturday I had three days to do it so I was worried I was going to run out of time. I knew if I didn’t act immediately I wouldn’t get it done, so I jumped out of bed and got ready and made it there shortly after they opened at 8. I was surprised by how quick of a process it was. I was in and out in 5 minutes! The drive took me about 45 minutes total though, so it almost seemed like it wasted time. When I got home I made my breakfast since I was in too big of a hurry to eat before I left. I made a bowl of oatmeal made with egg whites, a green smoothie and a chai latte. Yummy!IMG_2375 I worked on the crossword and sudoku puzzles before getting all of the analyses on the meals for my client finished. I then organized the nutritional information, all the receipts and recorded my hours before packing up her meals and hitting the road. I did manage to take a picture of everything I made, although the majority of it was already frozen so the pictures aren’t the prettiest!

  • Butternut squash and white béchamel sauce lasagna
  • Ginger, curry, sweet potato and chicken stew
  • Potato and chicken stew with carrots and green beans
  • Pork chop with green beans and ginger kale rice
  • Stuffed pork chops (feta and spinach) with rosemary roasted potatoes
  • Blueberry tart
  • Peanut butter chia bars
  • Chia and rice pudding

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My client seemed excited for yet another week of meals, so that put a huge smile on my face! We talked with Mary about a few things before Mary and I got started on my session.

Before I do my recap on my sessions, I just wanted to share this hilarious video. Ben Crane is one of my favorite golfers and he makes these great videos that always make me laugh. See, even professional golfers have things in their life that are challenging!

It was a great session with Mary, we talked about a lot of things that I have been struggling with. A few minutes into my session we were interrupted by the delivery of her new kitchen island! I didn’t mind at all and I did what I could to help get it in place. It looks so amazing! She had it made by the Reuse Warehouse and it is beautiful. The top is a butcher block that is gorgeous! When we got back to my session I filled her in on my weekend. I told her all about the challenges I faced with the Krispy Kreme Challenge and having family visit. I discussed how I didn’t stick to my bubbles while family was visiting and how I was a little nervous about the things my mom randomly brought home from the grocery store. I was bad about making sure I was filling out my bubbles on my meal plan and I told Mary it was because I was a little self conscious about filling in my food with so many people around. Plus I wanted to try and eat “normally” like everyone else. I realize now that I wasn’t eating normally. I didn’t have any of the chips and dip or mac and cheese that my mom brought home. I didn’t have a single doughnut from Saturday until Monday as part of my breakfast (while the others my age scarfed a few down in the car ride home on Saturday) and I didn’t join in on having a milkshake when I drove Madelyne and Matt to Cook Out for a late night snack. Eduardo was in my head all weekend telling me I couldn’t do those certain things. And he was praising me when I fell short on my bubbles. I still ate, but I wasn’t eating for myself. I was comparing what I was eating or not eating to what others were doing. I do feel like I was eating normal, but after talking with Mary there were still a few ED thoughts that were lingering. She also said to me “I always tell people an eating disorder says what you are unable to say, so what do you think you couldn’t say?” I told her how I really just wanted to set an example of being healthy for those in my family who didn’t make the healthiest choices. I told her how (I think) it all started for me. Well, I was predisposed by having low self esteem. But it started when a professor showed us the film Forks over Knives and how I wanted to change my diet to be healthier to have a smaller chance of ever having serious health problems. I really wanted my parents to make changes, but they didn’t really so I tried making bets with them: I tried betting my dad that I could go longer without eating breads or processed foods than he could without having soda. I don’t think we ever made the bet, but I acted like we did. Then I became obsessed and it spiraled out of control. We then talked about how I needed to stop vicariously eating or not eating through others. Does that make sense? I told her I have been focusing my restrictive desires on my dad. If I see him go for a few pretzels or crackers in the pantry, or see him go back for another beer, I give him a stare down or a glare even though I don’t think he sees it. We both kind of laughed about that haha. So one of my goals is to stop doing that.

Once I was done at Mary’s I went to Whole Foods for a late lunch. I got fruit, veggies, a turkey sandwich, yogurt and a WhatsoNutso bar. I ate my lunch and read a book I brought with me until it was time for me to go to Lori’s.1-31

When I met with Lori we talked a lot about the weekend and everything that went on. I basically summed up some of the thoughts I was having and Lori helped me to identify the thoughts as negative, advice giving thoughts. I brought my journal that I have been writing my Morning Pages in so that we could discuss them. She asked me to look back through it to see if I had any thoughts that triggered me to have more of these ED thoughts. We discussed my breathing exercises and the different paths my thinking took before I was able to refocus my attention on my breathing. She helped me to come up with a strategy to help me when I am having those thoughts. My challenge for the week is to take a step back and take a breather around ten times a day so I can regroup and come back ready to live in the moment. During my breather I am to assess internal or external sensation that are non evaluative. I practiced by describing a table that was in the room. I wasn’t allowed to judge the table, but I had to describe it. Then I described two different sensations that I might feel when I am anxious or nervous. Lori also is challenging me with days where EVERYTHING I do is spontaneous. From the moment I wake up I am not supposed to plan what I wear, what I do, what I eat, etc. I just let it happen. I asked if I could “cheat” by writing down suggestions on slips of paper and then pulling them from a hat for the first day. I think I am going to have my parents help me come up with ideas because I feel like if I write down spontaneous things to do it will be “hop a plane to Australia” and then I will pull the “the paper told me to do it! I am just doing what I am supposed to do!” card. I don’t think that would work out well haha. So I had a good session with both Mary and Lori!

When I got home I had trail mix and crackers for my snack and then bubbled in today’s eats so I can get back on track.IMG_2386 I then did a little picking up in the kitchen. Now I am thinking I should probably get started on fixing something for dinner since it is already after 8:30!

2 thoughts on “Slow Life

  1. Yeah and Eduardo also prevented you from celebrating your achievements of returning to exercise, running a race, hanging out with family at a donut race. So take a moment to reflect and celebrate you and how far you have come along.

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