Welp… Last night’s creation was not Crum-friendly. My parent’s didn’t care for part of what I made. I prepared tofu for the first time. Tofu is supposed to be really good for relieving symptoms of gout so I tried to make it with a mexican flare so that my dad would be more willing to try it. I didn’t think it was all that bad, although it was rather bland even with the seasoning. I loosely followed a Whole Foods Market recipe. I made a rice bowl that I topped with cheese, the fajita mix, plain yogurt and salsa.
My mom also informed me that she isn’t supposed to ingest soy products because of her thyroid problem (it’s either her medication or the actual problem that makes her need to avoid it). Oh well. No more tofu for those two.
I did my puzzles and then got to work on a few chores. After a while I made my morning snack and got to work on my transfer application for Carolina. My snack was delicious and it tasted like hot cocoa. I microwaved a serving of oatmeal using dark chocolate almond milk and then I added vanilla almond butter to it. Yummo!
I spent literally the rest of the morning working on my application. I still haven’t sent it in yet because I want to make sure I am happy with my short essay. I will probably send it in tomorrow at some point. I then did a little more sanding before I fixed my lunch. I made a turkey and pepper jack sandwich with peppers, carrots, apple, baked Cheetos and Greek yogurt.
I took my time eating and playing sudoku before I got ready to meet my mom at the Y! I ran two miles and walked half a mile before I did just a few sets of light work on some of the machines (arm press, leg press, back extension and abdominal machines). It felt great! We showered up and headed to Whole Foods. We got just a few random items and I got a little chocolate milk for my recovery that I had along with my snack of pretzels and trail mix before my first solo session with Lori.
Session with Lori
Lori began by asking me what things I wanted to cover during our meetings. I hadn’t really thought about it much because my dad told me we would probably just talk about my future plans. I mentioned that and then also added that I am still having a lot of body image thoughts that I am trying not to have. She talked to me about how everyone has thoughts and as we grow from children to young adults we start to pay more attention to our thoughts. “We all have thoughts, but we don’t have to buy them.” Lori really emphasized that statement and explained that our mind works to try and keep us “safe.” We have thoughts about ourselves to keep us happy and protected, but sometimes those thoughts that are perceived to be helpful are really harmful. She said it is ok to have thoughts about my body image, but to just acknowledge them and not listen to them (or “not to buy them”). I can think to myself ok, thank you for that thought, but that is not what I need to do.
Lori then had me do an exercise that required me to write down several thoughts that I have had throughout the week (many revolving around body image and a few about my future). We then talked about those for a few minutes before she asked me what advice those thoughts would give me if they were all coming from another person. That advice would have been that if I lost just a few pounds I would be happier with everything. She then had me write down all of the things that I value (health, energy, family, friends, Vinnie) and what advice those values would give me. That advice would have been that I needed to enjoy the foods I ate and not limit myself in any way so that I would really be living my life. She suggested the coping strategy of thinking about my values whenever I have a thought that isn’t beneficial to me.
Next she taught me a breathing exercise that she wants me to do every day. I am so sit in a certain posture and close my eyes while I really concentrate on my breathing. Every time I notice my mind wandering I am to refocus on my breathing. It was funny, I completed the exercise with Lori and I found myself thinking about trying not to think, then about what I am going to do tomorrow, and then I started to think about if I was sitting in the right position and that I couldn’t really be sitting in a wrong position because my butt is so big. I was able to refocus on my breathing after having all of those thoughts so Lori said I was doing it right.
After the breathing exercise we talked a little bit more. I mentioned how I felt like I always had to do everything to meet other peoples expectations because I was scared of what would happen if I didn’t. She then really pushed me to dig deeper by asking a series of questions following each of my answers. Some things were hard for me to explain, but I did my best. I think what I started to say was that I don’t want to live fear but then again I find fear a necessary emotion to have because it pushes you to work harder and it keeps you prepared. I also talked about how some days I just feel like everything is pointless. Why work hard to achieve something when you are only alive for 80 years, give or take? Motivation seems to go out the window and every little thing makes no sense to me. I don’t understand why things have to be so hard to do the things that we want to do and make things what we want to make them. The things I want in life just seem so far fetched and then I get to feeling like there is no reason for me to try. I want to do so many things, but they seem rather unrealistic. I feel like that whenever I think too much about things. I let my thoughts take over and I start to question the purpose of the world and maybe even life itself. I realize those thoughts are destructive and highly negative, so when I realize I am thinking like that I do stop myself. I have always thought like that though, even when I was very little. We just live in a world where we are so small and when thinking about our existence within the entire universe it seems unreal and like a mistake. Gahh, ok, I am acknowledging these thoughts and I am not buying them. Do you have any similar thoughts?
Sudoku has been a great way to keep my mind busy and away from thoughts about food, body image, my future, etc. Sudoku, you rock.
I wasn’t sure if I was making any sense when I was talking with Lori (or when I was typing all this up) but I gave it a try. Lori thanked me for being so open and willing to share my thoughts. I actually really liked our one on one session and I am glad that I have some things to really work on throughout the next week.
When I got home my mom had already started making dinner. it was a delicious meal filled with flavor. She made tilapia with the yummy yogurt-mustard-lime-green onion sauce as well as roasted brussels with sweet potato and roasted zucchini and yellow squash.
I feel like I can record today as being a great day! I let a lot out with Lori, got my application started, had a great workout with my mom, and did some work around the house. I also had some great eats!