Honesty and Curiosity

One of my goals from my session with Mary this afternoon is to listen to my hunger level and do so with honesty and curiosity. I am to be true to myself about how I am feeling and if I am satisfied or if I am still hungry. I should be curious about the foods I eat and about how much of it my body needs/wants. She put an emphasis on the fact that every day is not going to be the same. Some days my body might be telling me it needs more that my bubble sheet guide line, some day I might be a bubble or two short. We really talked about my hunger levels before and after meals and snacks a lot. I am going to try out moving one and a half protein bubbles from the morning to the afternoon or evening. I am also going to try and make notes of my feelings of anxiety related to food and if that anxiety is revolving around my body or if it is more mental. Mary helped me with a few other goals and then she talked with my dad for a while. Mary also mentioned that she knows someone who is having a hard time finding the time to cook meals for her and her daughter and that she is looking for a “personal chef.” She immediately thought about me because she knows I love to cook and then she talked to me a little bit about that. I think that would be a fun way to make a little extra for my savings and I would really be helping out a family who is struggling. It was a really good session with Mary and my dad and I left feeling good and ready to take on the week with our goals!

In other news, I think I am going to go ahead and send in a transfer application for the fall semester to UNC Chapel Hill. I don’t know if it will be a long shot to get in as a transfer student, but I won’t know unless I give it a try. I am hoping to have more success with their website than State’s… I will talk more about that when it becomes more finalized though!

E’s and A’s


Last night’s snack was trail mix and milk.Image

Breakfast today was quiche, greek yogurt and a dark chocolate almond milk banana smoothie.Image

Snack was oatmeal and almonds.Image

Lunch was carrots, an apple, a few grapes, guacamole toast, milk and black bean and vegetable southwest style soup.Image

Snack number two was pretzels and a Kind bar.Image

Dinner is an experiment that has yet to be created.


This morning I went to Roxboro with my dad to work for the morning. I was assigned with doing a job that was new to me. Basically it was just changes dates on old invoices in Quickbooks. It was very easy and mindless. When I finished that I played a little sudoku before I chatted with Tammy until it was lunch time. My dad and I headed home for lunch and I watched a show on my laptop while I ate lunch and my dad went to the gym. Then we were off to see Mary! My dad said something to me in the car and it made me realize how much of a progress he has made over the past month. He said now he knows how important it is to get physical activity and eat a well balanced diet. He said that the majority of health issues can be prevented with exercise alone. It was music to my ears to hear him talk so positively about exercise and eating healthy. Plus I think he really looks forward to going to the gym!

Now that we are back at home from our meeting with Mary we are all relaxing. I did some crocheting while I watched another show and now I am off to go and see what I can come up with in the kitchen!

Is there anything that you want to pursue with honesty and curiosity?


9 thoughts on “Honesty and Curiosity

  1. Congrats to you and to Todd…It looks like Mary is working really hard for you to take over full ownership of your body, mind, and your decisions in regard to food, and I really like what you share about your sessions. As far as becoming a Tar Heel – I think that would be a fantastic experience for you. So when Pitt hoops comes down there and kicks your butt at least I will know someone directly involved! Hopefully you can make a trip to the gym with your dad someday and snap some work out photos!

    • Thanks! I think I will have to get more into basketball if I plan on going there haha. I would hate to be shunned! I will try and get some work out photos of him in action!

  2. Unc would b a good match for you. So excited about that, and all of your hard work with Mary. I think being a personal chef would be a ton of fun.

  3. hunger level – Just a general question: At this point in your recovery, if you’re really not hungry for a scheduled snack or meal, how do you handle it? Do you have it anyway, push it back, alter it, or something else? From reading, it seems like you’re simply a really good sport and meet your bubble requirements regardless.

    “personal chef.” – Ooooh. That sounds like a REALLY fun opportunity! How did you learn to cook? I admit that I’ve been really impressed whenever you’re like “and then I just threw this together and made this incredible meal” like it’s no big deal! I’ve loved all your egg roll meal ideas, btw, and the loaded oatmeals look DELICIOUS. You could start a very trendy oatmeal-only restaurant with a bunch of filling and creative oatmeal varieties.

    Good luck on your transfer application! You’re obviously incredibly bright and have important life experiences to contribute to the student body of any school, so I wish you all the best. Learning is amazing. Do you know your major yet?

    honesty and curiosity – Hmmm. Hunger and physical alertness levels would be very, very good challenges and topics for me to consider. Also, emotional needs, such as loneliness, distraction, and pride.

    • Excellent questions! If I am not hungry for a snack or meal I will generally put off having it until the latest time possible, but where it would still be considered an appropriate time. Often that leads to the next snack or meal to be later as well. I usually just tell myself that I have to eat it anyways. I feel like I have made it a habit to just have all my meals and snacks so I can kind of mindlessly fix a snack that would fill my bubble requirements. When I am really not in the mood to eat, I make sure I fix something that I know will be delicious and I remind myself of what benefits I will get from eating it. I don’t know if this is a myth or not, but I just assume it is true to make myself feel better as well: spreading out your food (like my 3 meals and 3 snacks) can increase your metabolism. Really the only time I feel full and am not ready for my snack is in the morning. Sometimes I am not hungry for lunch either, but basically I just push through it and I don’t let myself think about it too much. I eat slowly and usually after the first few bites my stomach warms up to the idea of eating and I feel hungry. I have been doing sudoku problems as I eat as a way to distract my mind from any thoughts about restricting. I hope that has been helpful!

      I think being a personal chef would be so exciting! I feel like I could learn so many new things! I just picked up a few cooking skills from my parents, from my roommate at college and from recipes on Pinterest or other blogs. But thank you! I would one hundred percent recommend doing anything with those egg roll wrappers! They are so easy! I would love an oatmeal-only restaurant. I feel like coming up with names for all the different oatmeals would be the best part haha!

      Thank you so much! My major at my previous school was Athletic Training. I really enjoyed all of the material, but not so much the long hours spent in the training room. I was thinking about majoring in sports and exercise science because it is very similar but a little broader.

      I think those would be great challenges for you! Let me know if I can help in any way! I feel like I can scrounge up a few charts about determining hunger levels and I would be happy to share them! I hope that you have success with these challenges. Perhaps listening to your body and its signals will help you to feel healthy and well balanced, and that might help with your emotions as well. When I was in my worst place I wanted to avoid everyone and I isolated myself, but once I was nourishing myself I found that I actually wanted to be social and address my emotions and the things that stood in my way. Good luck with everything, girl! I know you will do great!

      • That is so kind of you! I also keep forgetting to say: I’m a really, REALLY good editor. I know grammar and spelling and how to make render full-formed ideas for a reader. If you need ANY help at all with your admission essays, please never ever hesitate to reach out to me. I have proofread 30+ pages theses on topics I never even heard of, and I honestly LOVE editing and would welcome the distraction while I’m at work.

        You know . . . I think I’m considering and circling an making progress little by little by little. Haha idk if I’m “social” so much as “needy.”

        Hmm, sure, if you do find hunger charts I would love to see any resources that you have at your disposal!

        Thank you for the tips! It sounds like you have an excellent attitude, and I don’t think that your disillusionment comes strictly from the ED–it’s a pretty common young adult mentality, but that doesn’t mean you can’t bring love and beauty into the world.

        I’m honestly very torn on really focusing on eating and paying attention to the sensation of chewing and tasting vs. eating while doing something else, as the latter is what I prefer and find more enjoyable. For some reason a banana eaten while walking tastes better! Unless it’s a gourmet meal eaten with loved ones in a beautiful setting (not to be particular or anything . . . ), I think I prefer not to focus directly on the food.

        Oooh, not sure if it’d be similar, but I have 2 friends who studied physical therapy and are really pleased with their careers now. I never knew this before meeting them, but apparently it’s a field that facilitates a lot of travel and jobs abroad. It seems like you have the patience and kindness to thrive on that subject.

      • Oh, that is fantastic! When I get home from my dad’s office I will email it over to you and I will also include the hunger charts. Thank you so much for offering to do that for me!

        I understand what you mean about being torn between wanting to focus on the actions of eating (chewing, taste, texture, temperature, etc.) or if I prefer to have a distraction. Usually a distraction with help me to eat slower and therefore I am more likely to really savor my bites. Physical Therapy is very similar! I have thought about getting a masters in PT after I graduate but I have time to sort all that out.

        Thanks again!

  4. How did I miss this?? I am so sorry! You must be working on a deadline too :/

    I really apologize. I only check the email linked to this account when I’m at work, and I”ve been enjoying this holiday weekend. I will check now!

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