Mixed Emotions

Do you ever have those days when you should just be ecstatic about everything because you truly enjoy all the activities you partook in, but you just aren’t completely in to it? Explaining what I am trying to say is difficult but I will give it my best shot. I had a great day and yet I was just feeling like I was ready to be done with it all. I had a minor headache so that could have been what it was. This morning after my breakfast I worked on assembling my closet project with my dad. I got to use the nail gun, woohoo! The next activity was with my mom. We went to Brier Creek to go to the tent sale at Dover. I got a saddle pad and a pair of reins for super cheap! Score! But on the way to the tent sale is when I started to not feel so hot. I just couldn’t put my finger on how I was feeling. I wasn’t unhappy or anything, I just was a little glum. I think I was just feeling overwhelmed because I felt like I needed to have more of a plan, but I didn’t really want to plan because I feel like it is all I ever do haha. So I don’t know, it was just one of those days. I think I just needed some mindless couch time. My mom and I grabbed lunch at Noodles & Company before we headed home. We stopped at Food Lion on our way just to grab a few things that we needed. Then I crashed on the couch and watched the Steelers game with my parents. Once the game was over my parents went to run a few errands in Roxboro so I took that time to work on my project a little more. I touched up all the areas that needed sanded and finished again. I did a few chores in the kitchen and then had my snack. I was having mixed emotions a little about food as well. I never felt all that hungry for lunch or for my snack, but I knew I needed it so I still ate it. So I was happy that I ate it because it was what I needed, but I felt like I didn’t really want it. But it all ended up tasting good and I was able to enjoy it and then my spirits picked back up a little when my headache went away. So maybe it was all the headache… Who knows. I think I have just had too much time to think about it all and then whenever I think too much about something (no matter how much I like it) I just get sick of it. Kind of like a song that you really like, but once you listen to it a few times you still like it but you want to change the radio station. That’s the best way I can put it into words haha. 

My Munches

Last night’s dinner: Buffalo chicken bites, sweet potato puffs, broccoli, milk.Image

Snack: Vanilla Boost Plus blended with frozen strawberries and then topped with a little Kashi vanilla squaresImage

Breakfast: Spinach egg scramble, vanilla almond butter bagel, orange juice, teaImage

Snack: Yogurt with more vanilla squaresImage

Lunch: Japanese Pan Noodles and chickenImage

Snack: Apple, baked Cheetos, Clif blueberry crisp bars, milkImage

I think maybe part of the reason I was feeling like I was over thinking things and feeling like I was having to plan everything was because we didn’t do our meal planning and I didn’t plan ahead for my lunch or snack, so I felt like as soon as I was done with one meal, I had to start thinking about what I would have as a snack to fill up the rest of my bubbles. When ever I get my day planned all at once I am able to think about other things and I don’t worry about it because I know in advance that if I eat what I have planned then I will fill up all my bubbles. I don’t have to work tomorrow because my dad is doing rounds. My mom also has the day off so we are going to spend the day together and we are going to have a terrific mother daughter day! I am going to do my best to be in a pleasant mood so I can enjoy each and every activity 🙂

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4 thoughts on “Mixed Emotions

  1. Yes, I absolutely understand what you’re feeling, and I think that having an “off” or sort of disillusioned mood is a basic and perfectly normal human emotion. It might be incorrect, but I do have an interpretation, based on what I read in your entries. There was one entry in which you mentioned an appt. where either your therapist or dietician/nutritionist mentioned that you don’t have to make your meal plan absolutely perfect and that you don’t have to be the world’s most perfect recovery patient. In fact, Eduardo can take advantage of the perfectionist and people-pleasing aspects of our personalities. That said, I think it’s important to accept that part of your multi-faceted personality will include moments of annoyance, dissatisfaction, disillusionment, even nihilism. You are, after all, human, and not every day requires super energy and a bubbly personality. I think sometimes, especially as women, we’re taught that this is the best possible personality and the most pleasant for others to deal with. I admire your motivation, optimism, and strength, but I also think you should accept that you won’t be perfect, cheerful, grateful, and content 100% of the time. And that’s okay.

    • You have incredible insight. It is almost like the perfectionist in me doesn’t allow me to see things realistically. I was feeling guilty for not acting like I was all “happy-go-lucky” but I wasn’t accounting for the fact that it is perfectly normal to have those off days. With out the off days we also wouldn’t be able to appreciate the good days, right? Thank you for the reassuring comment, I really appreciate all of your input 🙂 Hope you are doing well!

  2. On a mixed emotion day (which we all have) it might be helpful to reach out to some friends or call someone you haven’t talked to in a while. Sometimes it helps to break up the routine and go beyond the people in this case your parents and the Steelers, who you are with on a more regular basis.

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