Fear… Can’t Live With It, Can’t Live Without It

Ok, so before I start talking about my appointments with Mary and Lori yesterday, I am going to take you quickly through my day. My mom let me sleep a little bit later (by a little bit I mean she still called me at 7:30) because she had to leave early to make it to a meeting and she wanted me to sleep. She called me to tell me that my dad was supposed to wake me up, and then she told me I could go back to sleep. I tried to, but I decided to wake up so I could still make it out to the barn before going to work. My dad had to rush off to work so I was on my own for breakfast. I whipped up some oatmeal made with milk and then I topped it with some raspberries, blueberries and two Baklava Balls that I “crum”bled over the top. Love in a bowl. ImageAlso, look at the beautiful marigolds and herbs Mary gave me! I can’t wait to cook with the herbs. Then I grabbed an apple to take to Vinnie. I decided to just brush him and wrap his hoof down in his pasture so I could save a few minutes since I was running kind of late. He looked good again today, just a little sore though. It took him a while to get in a comfortable position so that I could pick his hooves. But other than that he seemed happy and was walking around! The vet is coming out tomorrow to check up on his abscess so she is going to take a look at his other hoof too. I won’t be there when the vet comes because I have to work, but Lena said she would be happy to take care of Vinnie for me. She is having Bey checked up on as well. She is so sweet to handle Vinnie for me! Here is Vinnie begging me for his apple. I think if drugs smelled like apples, horses would be just as effective as German Shepherds . Vinnie sniffed out the apple instantly. Image

Work consisted of finishing up the store, organizing the storage room (taking everything out and putting it back in) and doing as many online orders as possible. For lunch we went to Chick-fil-a and I decided to get the grilled chicken cool wrap with Italian dressing. It tasted so fresh. I was in the mood for something cold after moving all those boxes. ImageI also had a free sample of their chocolate chunk cookie. Then we went back to work to do some more organizing in the storage room. We got a lot more finished than we thought we would’ve! When I got home I had my snack. Yogurt, pretzels, and trail mix. ImageThen I did some relaxing and talking to with my mom before her and I made dinner. We cooked another Rachael Ray recipe. Spaghetti with cauliflower and tuna. It was so much fun to cook with my mom and it turned out very tasty! My cat even enjoyed some of the tuna. ImageImage

Why fear is both unnecessary and important:

When I was at my appointment with Mary I told her that sometimes I will just really tense up and I will be completely terrified of food, but then when I think about it it sounds ridiculous to fear food… like I can’t come up with a valid reason to be scared of it. She was then kind enough to tell me a true story that happened very recently. She was telling me about an eye appointment she went to a long time ago and that she was informed that she was at risk for developing glaucoma. She told me how distraught she was and that she was scared she was going to lose her sight and she wouldn’t be able to do any of the things she loved, like paint, read, work, etc. She was so scared of having glaucoma that she feared going back to the eye doctor even though she needed new glasses and her eyes were in pain and inflamed from dry eye. She was supposed to have a test done to check her optic nerves, but she said there was no way she could have her eyes dilated because she had to go to work. She spent an entire week thinking that she was going to lose everything once her glaucoma was confirmed. Finally she just made an appointment with the eye doctor because her eyes hurt so badly. One of the assistants I guess told her that the images showed she had glaucoma. She was in tears as she was telling me this story and I could tell that she really was living in fear of this. Then when she met with the eye doctor, he told her that her eyes were fine! She just had inflammation but her optic nerves looked healthy. She couldn’t believe that she didn’t have glaucoma! She told me that she spent a whole week worrying about something that didn’t even matter. The fear made her believe that everything was going to go wrong. I loved that she used a personal example to explain how fear can sometimes make us worry to the extreme, when really there is nothing to be worried about.

Then, at my appointment with Lori, we just happened to also talk about fear. We were talking about behaviors that we would like to change and ways to go about changing those behaviors for each other. My dad mentioned that he wanted me to stop with the restrictive behavior and that one way he could help me to change was say something, almost like a little pep talk. He said he hasn’t been doing that because he is scared of how I will react. I can understand why he would be scared of my reaction because I am not sure how I would react either. I could see myself just agreeing and eating more, or I could see myself getting upset and not wanting to eat. Testing it out would be the only way to figure it out. Lori went on to say how it is important and necessary in life to feel fear. If we didn’t feel fear we wouldn’t be able to make judgments and decisions about things that could pose as a possible threat. Also, fear is an emotion, and it is natural and essential to have emotions and to be able to express them.

So what I have taken from this is that it is unhealthy to live in complete fear of things, but fear is needed to experience the full range of emotions. It is important to find that balance so that the fear can be recognized and a solution can be made to work through it.

I hope that wasn’t too wordy and confusing/contradicting. Good news, tomorrow is Thursday! Woohoo! Another day of work awaits and then I can enjoy my weekend. Maybe my bathroom will finally get painted! In other news, I might be making a trip to Chattanooga soon! I will know for sure in a few days! How exciting! Hoping everyone had a great Wednesday and is ready for an amazing Thursday!

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