This weekend seems to be flying by! Yesterday was a very nice day. My family and I had two quality meals together and I got some more supplies for a few crafts I have in mind. I tried my very best to eat foods and the portion size that I would have eaten a year ago. I am still struggling a little with the portion size, but no change is instant.
Yesterday I let go of all control over breakfast! My dad cooked for us all and I was ok with it! It was a challenge, but I was so motivated that I tried not to think about it. He made us eggs, bacon, hash brown tater tot things (frozen), and english muffins. I spread a little bit of almond butter on my english muffin. Then we were off to Hobby Lobby in Burlington! We have never been there before so we wanted to check it out. My dad wanted to look for a model truck to build and I wanted to grab some things for a few projects. My dad had no luck, but of course I didn’t leave empty handed! I also left with even more ideas for some projects. I am going to be keeping myself busy!
After spending a while in Hobby Lobby, it was time to leave to go find lunch. My dad just kinda picked the first place he saw that he would actually eat at, Buffalo Wild Wings. I actually really liked their menu because they had build your own options! I built my own grilled chicken sandwich with lettuce, tomato, onion, pepper jack cheese, and Caribbean Jerk sauce. I had been wanting to try jerk sauce again ever since the food truck rodeo! It came with fries and I actually ate a few of those as well. My dad ate most of them, though! That filled me up! But it’s official. I like Caribbean Jerk sauce. Then we headed back home. I wanted to be lazy for an hour before having to get ready for work. I watched a show called The Best Thing on Sliced Bread on the Cooking Channel before dozing off for a few minutes. Then I had to speedily get ready for work!
Snack + Dinner
I stuck a giant protein bar that my mom picked out for me to try in the freezer to try. It was a cookie dough flavor, and I used to love eating frozen cookie dough, so I thought freezing it would make it fun. I ate most of it once I got to work. Looks intense doesn’t it? It tasted like a candy bar. I thought I was going to be on sweetness overload. The rain cleared up and the game started on time. There was a nice sized crowd at the ball park last night, enough to keep me busy the majority of the night. On my break I ate the sandwich and yogurt my mom packed for me. I had another moment of letting go of the control over my food and I let my mom prepare my dinner while I was getting ready. She made me a turkey, ham, spinach, cheddar cheese, and queso laughing cow sandwich. She told me she toasted the bread so I could pretend I was eating a warm meal haha. It was thoughtful of her. I also tried the pineapple Chobani for the first time. It was good, but definitely not my favorite. My end of my break always comes too quickly. The game went by a seemingly normal pace and then there were fireworks. I didn’t get home until about 11:30 and then I fixed myself my mandatory snack. I told my mom I was going to have frozen yogurt so I told myself that I had to stick to that plan. I scooped out some Ben and Jerry’s strawberry shortcake froyo and then topped it with a few fresh blueberries. I also finished my cookie dough protein bar that was leftover from the earlier snack. I wanted to get a better night’s sleep so I drank some of my neuro sleep. I still woke up early though 😦 This morning when I woke up, I made my way to the couch and turned on the tv and did some browsing on a recipe app I had on my iPad. I am trying to find normal, non “diet” recipes that I would like to try for my sweets that I am supposed to start eating.
My mom made the usual almond milk, banana, blueberry smoothie while I worked on making some french toast. It wasn’t the best batch of french toast, but it was still alright. We ate our french toast with a little bit of yogurt and blueberries. BLUEBERRY OVERLOAD! Just kidding… you can never have too many blueberries!
On friday when I went to my doctor’s appointment and my appointment with Mary (my nutritionist) I took with me an old picture of myself to show them. It is my volleyball picture from my junior year of high school. I look very strong and healthy in this picture. Of course, when I look at it I see all of the flaws, but I think back to that time and I think of how content I was with my size and I remember all of the energy I had. I was able to do anything physically and I ate. Boy, did I eat. I didn’t care about what I ate and believe me, I sure didn’t care how much of it I ate. Back then it wouldn’t even occur to me to read a label to see how many calories were in food. In fact, calories didn’t even make sense to me. I thought they were more of an imaginary concept that someone just randomly created one day rather than something that actually existed. I want to get back to looking strong and healthy like the girl in this picture. Of course I don’t want to say “I want the old me back” because I have changed. I can’t live in the past. But what I can do is work towards becoming a new and improved me that combines qualities that I used to have with new, positive qualities that I have developed. There is no reason that I should fear this! I have to take things one day, one meal, one snack at a time. Each snack, each meal, each day, I will grow stronger and I will become one step closer to reaching my goal. I am still wearing the stone Mary gave me from our session on friday as a constant reminder of those goals not to fear food. So far it has worked well for me!
I hope everyone has a lovely, lovely day!