Today was my first day back at work since what feels like forever. It was a really long night that wasn’t busy at all. It felt good to be back though.
Last night for dinner, my mom basically took control over dinner and made what she wanted to eat, which was stewed yellow squash with meatballs and penne pasta. I let my mom fix my plate with the portions that were acceptable enough for her and my dad. I have found that it is a little easier to just let her make my plate, then I can avoid having a battle. It was actually pretty good. The meatballs were overcooked, but the crisp on the bottom was surprisingly tasty. After dinner we watched Just Like Heaven and Diners, Drive Ins and Dives. For a snack I had a frozen waffles which I popped in the toaster and put raspberry fruit spread on. Then I was off to bed with the little pugaroo!
This morning I woke up and let Frisco out, then made my breakfast, of course with my mom supervising. I made some of the most delicious oatmeal I have made yet. I just cooked some old fashioned oatmeal in the microwave. Then I sprinkled it with cinnamon, put a spoonful of chocolate hazelnut butter in it, a small handful of Kashi Go Lean Crunch cereal, and some dried cranberries. My mom also made me have a small amount of a chocolate protein drink. I then relaxed some with the pupster before getting ready to go to Durham to have lunch with my mom. Frisco decided she wanted to eat one of my shoes… She wanted me to bring Frisco with me, so lunch places were limited because we needed outdoor covered seating because it was raining. Parker and Otis it was. I was having a hard time at lunch today. Everything in my mind was telling me not to eat the sandwiches my mom ordered for us to split. It was all just so overwhelming. They looked so big and I just wanted to to run away from lunch. But then I thought “if I don’t eat this food, I am only delaying myself from achieving what I want most” I thought about all the things I want to be allowed to do. I thought about being healthy. So I tackled it all except for a few bites of the turkey sandwich. My mom ordered a grilled cheese with tomato and a turkey and swiss with tomato, cucumber, green sprout things, and dijon mustard (I think). We split them half and half. Frisco was really well behaved at lunch! She was a good little pup. Maybe she could sense me shutting down and so she just wanted to be low maintenance to help make it less stressful on me. Who knows. Maybe dogs are that intuitive? We then went home and when my mom got home we went to the barn. I groomed and clipped Vinnie while my mom lunged G for Renee (Frisco’s mom). Vinnie looks so much better now that he is clipped and his mane is untangles. He was lookin’ roughhh. We then put some medicine on some two other horses for Renee before heading home. I thought that I was maybe going to get the night off of work because of the weather, but I was wrong! I had to quickly get changed and ready to go to work while my mom made me a simple dinner to take with me. For my snack before the game I had a dark chocolate cinnamon pecan Kind bar. First time trying that flavor, I liked it! The game was only delayed 5 minutes because of the weather. I thought for sure it was going to be delayed for hours. I ate my dinner during my break. Plain greek yogurt with strawberries and blueberries and an almond butter sandwich. I was feeling a little anxious and nervous about the sandwich because it was made on a new bread my mom bought, and it felt really REALLY dense. It is still freaking me out to not read any labels because all my mind could think about was how many calories were in that bread. It always makes it a challenge to eat something when I am unaware of exactly what I am putting in my mouth. I know that I need to drop that habit because it is only causing me to worry more, putting more stress on myself. In order to really start healing, mentally and physically, and to become as happy as possible I need to stop all my worrying. I believe I have already started to defy the voice in my head because I was able to eat my lunch and all of my dinner. I am slowly making progress! YAYAYAY! My snack tonight was another waffle with raspberry fruit spread. Now I think I am off to the sweet comfort of my bed 🙂